Todays Lunch

Not even sure what to say or feel right now. Today's lunch did not go well at all. As a matter of fact I walked out before we ever ate lunch.

He thinks it is a game. He thinks I am playing a game. I am just astounded that he still thinks it is a game.

He said things like - you started it now you need to finish it; you didn't get your way so you threw a fit and left and now want me to meet all your demands; I will go to work on us but it us all up to you; I won't go to our pastor who I see every day because they don't need to be in my business. It does go on but I left.

I love my husband and I am pretty sure that today by walking out on that lunch I just ended my marriage. It isn't a game - it is very real. I am about to lose my marriage because after nine years I decided I needed boundaries in it.

No one in real life but Lisa's understands. The rest of my family does not get it I don't think. Lindsey was a bit shocked; or sounded shocked when I told her I left.

This is not something I just decided to do. I really had hoped he would want this marriage. I really had hoped he would see we need help. I really had hoped he would see this is not a game.

I have been very hurt and sad and angry and hardened and teary today. I cried the whole way home. I cried most of the afternoon. I wish the tears would stop - I really wish they would stop.

Now I guess I just wait; wait for the divorce papers to be served to me. Or maybe I wait and hope he will see it isn't a game. Or maybe I just don't know.I am still praying that he sees this isn't a game.

I am still praying he sees I want him and no one else. I am still praying that God answers my prayers.

I didn't even get to say what I wanted to say today. I could not get it out after the whole game thing. I am still in shock that he thinks it is a game.

Please pray for him. He told me today he is pissed off. Pissed at my timing when his company is about to go under and he needs to be devoting all his time to it and he can't focus on it. Sorry but I didn't pick this time - God did. I just prayed and followed....

Please, please, please, please pray