Another Set of Letters...

Amy,

Based on the way that Adam cuddled up with me at the game today, I’m pretty sure that was mostly because he missed me. I don’t think his leg really hurt too bad for him to go back out and play. I’m pretty sure he just wanted to use that chance to get time to sit on my lap and cuddle with me because he has been missing talking with me. That is one thing that he and I have always had. I have worked very hard to make sure he feels like he can talk to me and confide in me. I’m quite sure that he is having a hard time dealing with the fact that I am not around for him to talk to.

I could tell when we parted ways after the game, that part of him wanted to stay and talk more with me. I could tell, he has so many things that he wants to talk to me about and it breaks my heart to see him struggling with the fact that he has not been able to talk to me for a while.

I can’t imagine all of the emotions that he is trying to deal with right now. My heart aches just thinking about it.

No matter what happens between us, I want to make sure that we are not using the kids as “pawns” to gain an advantage in a dispute. That is why I have not made any request or attempt to get Adam back in the house. I also made sure not to bring up the subject with him today, other than telling him that I miss him very much. I do not want him to think that he has to make a choice between you and I. That would be a terrible choice for any child, let alone a 7 year old, let alone Adam who has one of the biggest hearts of most kids I know.

I would like to have some time to spend with Adam, so he knows that I am definitely still part of his life and that I am here for him, no matter what. Since this seems to be dragging out into a lengthy situation, I do not think it is good for his emotions to be kept away from me or the only home he has ever known, for this long. I want him to know that his home is still here, that he is loved, and that there is some certainty in his future.

Initially, I was just going to ask if he and I could go out to a movie and perhaps sit around and play games at the house. However, the more that I think about it, I’m wondering if it would be alright if we traded off every other week. He could stay here for the weekend and the following week, then stay with you for the next weekend and the following week. That would give him time with both of us, until we get things worked out.

I think if we started the cycle on a Friday night, that would give him something to look forward to at the end of the week. I also think that if he is with you on the weekends that you have Kyle, that will make sure that he has the most time to spend with his brother.

I’m not sure if Kyle is with you this weekend or with Keith. If he is with Keith this weekend, then I don’t really want to wait two more weeks to get time with Adam. I think it has been too long for him already and that he is having a very hard time trying to reconcile his emotions. So if Kyle is with Keith this weekend, please take some time to think this over and get back to me right away. Otherwise, if Kyle is with you this weekend, let’s try to come to a decision on this before Friday.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope that you and I can work out an arrangement that will be the best thing for Adam.

Love,
Todd
-----------------------
Todd,

At this point in time you have not responded to my email. I need to hear from you regarding the email I sent. I need to know what your plans are for our marriage. Do you want to seek out therapy or not? At this point I can not discuss issues with you without having a therapist or Pastor present.

If you do then please let me know so that we can get into an appointment. I do not want to make any major decisions without a third party there.

I do not want to keep Adam or Kyle from you. I have offered for you to have time with them and you have turned me down each time. I also do not think it is fair to just take Adam and not Kyle; that is not sending a good message to Kyle.

Please let me know what your decision is regarding therapy so that we can get this started.

I am not using the children as pawns in this matter but our first priority should be working on us with a mediator/therapist. The kids do miss you Todd and so do I but our marriage and started to work it out needs to be the first priority right now.

Please let me know.

Love,
Amy
----------------------
Amy,

Last night, when I first read your emails, I was determined not to get into a debate with you, so I simply kept my reply short and to the point. However, I have taken some time to thoroughly think through how I should respond, so I am going to reply to you this morning. This letter is not intended to spark a debate of any kind. I am simply attempting to address the items you wrote about.

I do not feel that this is any type of “major” decision. This is about what is best for Adam. Surely, we can put our differences aside and come to a decision quickly, in Adam’s best interest, and not drag this out forever.I feel that putting the concerns about therapy and our marriage situation ahead of Adam’s emotional well-being is both selfish and irresponsible. Adam’s mental state is at the top of my priority list right now. The issues between you and I have been building up for over eight years and even with the best therapy available, will likely drag out for months, if not years. I do not feel it is fair to keep Adam away from his father and his home just because his parents are having issues communicating. He should not be used as a bargaining chip and based on the verbiage in your email, it is apparent to me that he is..

I have never received ANY offer, either in writing or verbally, for me to have time with either of the kids. The only offer I EVER received was to talk to them on the phone. That offer came at a time when I was headed out the door and was not going to be available to talk, so I had to decline.

As far as Kyle is concerned, I do not feel that it would be a good idea for him to spend time with me at this point. He and I have never gotten along and most times he dislikes me, if not hates me. He has no respect for his, or anyone else’s belongings, and I do not trust him to behave himself in this house. If he is in need of a father figure, he should contact hid Dad and start spending more time with him. I feel that would be far more healthy for him at this point than spending time with me.

In closing... I would like you to make a yes/no decision concerning my proposal for splitting Adam’s time evenly between you and I. As I said before, if this weekend is Keith’s weekend with Kyle, then I would like a decision before Monday, as I have already lost the chance to have him come over for the weekend. If Keith’s weekend is next weekend, I would like a decision by Friday morning.

Thank you
.-----------------------
Todd,

As I have stated in all the emails I will not make any decisions at this point in time without mediation. So once we are in therapy with someone else there; we can discuss it.

I understand you want to make the best decision for Adam but I personally do not feel moving him back and forth is in his best interest. So at this point in time I am again going to state that we will make a decision about it in therapy.

Amy
-----------------------
Amy,

This is not a decision that needs to be made in the presence of a therapist. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with US, and EVERYTHING to do with ADAM. Adam has already been kept away from me and his home for three (3) weeks. The longer that you keep him from me, the more damage is being done to his state of mind and his emotions.

Your words below indicate that you are keeping Adam away from me until we are in therapy. That indicates that he is being used as a bargaining chip. That is selfish and irresponsible.I have checked your calendar and found that next weekend is Kyle’s weekend with Keith. I expect a yes/no decision BEFORE Friday of this week.