Emotions and Confusion

So Todd called me last night. He wanted to know if I had dinner yet and if not if I wanted to go and we could talk about what we are going to do. At that point I had. I guess he is going to need to realize that if he wants us to meet he needs to get in touch me sooner than when he wants to go. I have to be able to arraign a babysitter for the boys. He told me he would call me later but I have not heard from him since.

Why is it that I feel like he just does not care. He says he cares but his actions speak 10,000 times louder than his words. They always have.

I feel as if I did not try hard enough but I know that isn't true.

Over the past two years I have really changed. Our marriage has really changed but just not enough I guess.

He told me he threw the remote at the closet. Well that is great but I was standing in front of the darn closet. What a hurtful thing to hear. He told me in the shower he threw it at me on purpose and now he is saying he just threw it into the closet but I just happened to be there.

Well we have two closets so why did he pick the one I was in front of? I know the answer to that but I do not think he can admit it.

I don't want this to end in a divorce. So I just sit and wait and wait and wait. How long do I need to wait though. I gave him some choices and he already did follow threw. He doesn't respond to ultimatums. Well that is nice because you don't respond to requests either.

I am very frustrated. I am very sad. I am starting to get angry. I don't want to be angry. He has not even asked to see the kids.

I asked him if he wanted to see the kids and he said no something about him not wanting to see them while he was eating (exact words escape me right now).

The boys start school tomorrow. Kyle will ride the bus and I will drive Adam. Lord protect my children.

Lord I want my marriage to work. Yet only You know where this life will lead me. I trust that You will take care of me, the boys and Todd. We love and honor You. We sing Your praises. We worship You. Lord help my family. In Your name - Amen.