Not so Happy 6th Anniversary...

It has been a few days since I have posted. So much has gone on and I have no idea what I even wrote last to be honest.

A few days ago my car started having problems. I could not get the keyless entry to work. Ended up having to take my brothers truck to get Adam to school. Then I call Saturn to get my car in there so they can get it fixed. The guy helped me get the car open so I could come in. Then all of a sudden the keyless entry started to work but my Service Engine Soon light came on then. So I took it in anyway to have it checked out. Ended up costing me a small fortune and since I am not working it worries me a bit.

Then the following day I had an interview. Well the interview didn't happen. I think it was a God thing because Kyle started to have some issues. No one was able to get a hold of me so they called my dad and then my brother. My brother took Kyle to the ER. His arms were shaking uncontrollably. Well I was supposed to interview at 1 and it didn't happen. Was told thanks but I hired the first person I interviewed but I will keep the other two of you in mind if she doesn't work out. So I headed to the ER. By the time I got there they had found he was normal. They did some blood work and sent us home after 3.

Lisa had gone to pick up Adam for me. So we headed to her house to get him and then also allow me to teach Lisa how to make meatloaf. It turned out so good she said.

Well just after 5 he started to shake again. Called the doctor and was told to take him back to the ER. They did a CT Scan and found he had no bleeding. We left around 9:30 I believe. Was sent home with a script for him for pain and sleep.

They think it is stress manifesting itself subconsciously into physical symptoms. Talk about a thing to induce guilt for me.

So a year ago - I started to blog on finding-my-life. A year ago I was not really celebrating our 5th anniversary and today I am not celebrating our 6th anniversary. I have been trying not to focus on it but it is kind of hard not to.

Adam is going with Todd this weekend. Although you can see that from the letters posted.

I am feeling as if I might as well just give up now. It isn't right and I want to believe that the Lord is going to save our marriage. Yet Todd doesn't seem to want to. I mean he is going to therapy but it took me paying for 1/2 of it in order to get him there. He didn't bother seeing if he could find someone. He still thinks it is a game. I am frustrated because he is placing words in my mouth.

You know maybe I am wrong. Maybe I should not feel like this. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I should have just stayed but the truth is with each little thing I see how right I was to leave.

Not wanting Kyle. Not willing to sign a paper. Not willing to pay for therapy. Not really offering anything.

I am really struggling today.