Emotions at a High...

The last few days have been emotional and trying for me. I am a bundle of tears. I can't stand when all I do is cry.

I thought today was going to be better since Sunday was a bit better. Turns out I was wrong.

Went to one of my many doctor appointments for the week (I have one appointment every day this week and two on some of the days). It was my OB check with my regular doctor. I had to tell her I wasn't sure if I was going to be coming back or not due to the insurance issue.

She had me talk to the office manager. The office manager was going to try and get the medicaid for me or at least find out what can be done. She had me call her after I got home to give her the case managers name and number. Not sure she would get anywhere but it is worth a try I guess...

They are both worried about me not having my prescription and not seeing the doctor due to the current risk. I agree but not much I can do about it right now.

I also got an email from Ken today. He decided he was going to file a motion for lack of payment from child support and rent. He has been trying to reach Melanie and she is not responding. He has called and sent emails to her and has heard nothing back from her. It has been a month and two days since our mediation hearing. Todd still has not gotten back to anyone about the life insurance or the retirement fund information.

I was ready to just give up and give in on Saturday. Sunday wasn't much better. Yet here I am today - still kicking.

I just keep so much in because I have no words for what goes on and then everything bad seems to pile on at once. Then I lose it.

I try to take things a day at a time. Actually most days I try and take things a moment at a time. Yet I seem to fail at even that.

I am not feeling like a very good parent right now. I actually am feeling like a failure right now. I can not do fun things with the kids; well at least what they feel is fun. I just struggle because I have nothing but time and love to give them.

Okay so what is wrong with that you ask? Nothing is wrong with that really but on week nights I don't have much time to give them. We work on school work, I make dinner, we eat dinner, I clean up and then it is time for the kids to get ready for bed. So the question really is - do I spend quality time with them or not?

It has just been a rough few days is all....