Cleaning

I look around my living room today and think about how I really need to be cleaning it. Yet here I am on this computer - typing about how I need to clean it instead of actually cleaning it.

I get so tired of picking up after my children. I try and try to teach them to pick up after themselves.

Adam usually does pretty well. He forgets from time to time but if you ask him to stop what he is doing to take care of something - he normally does.

Kyle on the other hand could care less. He does not care if he picks up after himself because I truly think in the back of his mind he thinks that if he leaves it long enough - mom will eventually pick the stuff up. Which of course he is right about. I can only handle the mess for so long and then it is just gets to me and I have to take care of it.

It does not help anyone. It does not teach the boys to pick up after themselves. Yet I can't stand the mess.

When I lived with Todd I would let my house be trashed because it bothered him. I got sick of doing it all on my own. I got sick of him telling me I was not doing things well enough. So I would leave it. I realized no matter how hard I tried I was never going to be good enough for him so it was easier to look around - see an actually mess - and know it really was not good enough for him. I got to the point where I didn't care much about what it looked like because well - I wasn't good enough for Todd and never would be and since he was the one I was trying to make happy it didn't matter.

I don't want my boys to feel like they have to be good enough for someone but I want them to realize the importance of taking care of there things.

It is also a struggle because when Kyle gets mad - he destroys things. If he doesn't get his way - he destroys things.

Oh this is just a random; blabbering blog...