The reminder was just given by a friend after getting back in touch with him after a long and hard phone conversation....
Why is life so hard? Maybe it isn't as hard as I think it is but it feels like it - especially at times like this...
I had to do parenting time coordination today. Nothing was resolved. Not a thing!
I in many ways was proud of myself for not backing down or giving up a single day! On the other hand we now need to go through a custody evaluation.
My fear is Adam will no longer live with me. I can see it happening. I can see me losing Adam.
I have to ready the house. I have to ready my life. I have to ready my heart and mind for the just in case.
I know that I might be told it is silly to worry about that because it might not happen but what if it does happen. Then what? I would lose it is I lost him...
Here is the kicker - Adam's dad does not feel I am a fit parent. His parents don't see me as a fit parent. My parents did a while ago and you know I am pretty sure they still don't feel I am fit.
I did have some issues. I admit that. I have been working on those issues and things are better.
I am bipolar and I have been in the hospital because of it before. It doesn't mean I am a bad person or a bad mom. It just means I needed more help at one point.
I am worried about this. I don't know how not to worry about it. I don't even know if that is the right word but I guess I just have to prepare...
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Friday, May 16, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Babies...
My oldest baby is 15. He is just like me; which is scary. At times I think he is worse than me. He has gone through so much, had a rough life and there is nothing anyone can do for him. He is a great kid who struggles with normal things. It does not matter how much anyone tries to help him - this is who he is - this is who he is choosing to be. Not only does he has these issues he is dealing with - he has the normal teen hormonal changes he is dealing with. At times I think he must feel like the world is out to get him; I know I did...
My middle baby is 9. He is like me in many ways but different at the same time. He has the caring and worrying about him like I do. I am sad though because I see him becoming more like his father every day. The narcissistic tendencies are coming out more and more and it is really sad. He has to have done whatever you have done or read about it. He must know more than you. It is like something compels him to be like this. I know where it comes from but how do you get that need, that urgency, that want to go away? It isn't healthy for him and it worries me to see him doing this. Who wants a known it all as a friend? You are never right, you can never be right, you can't carry on a conversation without an argument - it isn't any fun!
My youngest baby is 5 months old. Where did the time go for this little one? She is my light right now. At this point - I am what she needs. She needs me to survive still. I love the smile she gets when she sees me - even at 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 AM. She is one of the lights in my day right now. I have some concerns with her but they are being addressed so what more could I ask for.
Then there is my fur baby. She is 4 months 3 weeks 5 days. She is a holy terror at times but overall she is the best dog! You can sit there with your face in her bowl while she is eating, take a bone out of her mouth while she is chewing it and she just licks you! I am very grateful (even though I want to pull my hair out when she is really acting like a puppy) we got her! Amazing temperament!
There are so many things I wish I had done differently with my babies but if I had - I wouldn't be the person I am today... Sometimes that can be a good thing and sometimes a bad thing...
Does it make me crazy to want more? LOL
My middle baby is 9. He is like me in many ways but different at the same time. He has the caring and worrying about him like I do. I am sad though because I see him becoming more like his father every day. The narcissistic tendencies are coming out more and more and it is really sad. He has to have done whatever you have done or read about it. He must know more than you. It is like something compels him to be like this. I know where it comes from but how do you get that need, that urgency, that want to go away? It isn't healthy for him and it worries me to see him doing this. Who wants a known it all as a friend? You are never right, you can never be right, you can't carry on a conversation without an argument - it isn't any fun!
My youngest baby is 5 months old. Where did the time go for this little one? She is my light right now. At this point - I am what she needs. She needs me to survive still. I love the smile she gets when she sees me - even at 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 AM. She is one of the lights in my day right now. I have some concerns with her but they are being addressed so what more could I ask for.
Then there is my fur baby. She is 4 months 3 weeks 5 days. She is a holy terror at times but overall she is the best dog! You can sit there with your face in her bowl while she is eating, take a bone out of her mouth while she is chewing it and she just licks you! I am very grateful (even though I want to pull my hair out when she is really acting like a puppy) we got her! Amazing temperament!
There are so many things I wish I had done differently with my babies but if I had - I wouldn't be the person I am today... Sometimes that can be a good thing and sometimes a bad thing...
Does it make me crazy to want more? LOL
Monday, April 28, 2008
Where is my Voice?
How do you find your voice when you are scared of someone? Even after being gone for all this time (20 months).
He called this morning and instantly I started to shake and get sick to my stomach.
We are supposed to be having parenting time coordination this week and he will get what he wants because I am so afraid of the repercussions of speaking out.
I have given in on everything. Maybe I haven't really - maybe that is just my perception of the way it has been. I really don't know anymore.
When I look back though - I have given in. I am just hurting inside because of the stress all of this has caused in my life.
I have rosacea. I hate being in public because of how I look. It gets worse anytime I have to deal with him. Anytime I get stressed over this. I don't want to do anything because of how I look. I make plans and then look at myself and cancel them.
When I look back - maybe it wasn't so bad. Maybe what I felt was abuse really isn't abuse. This part of it is bad - and it is killing me slowly inside.
He called this morning and instantly I started to shake and get sick to my stomach.
We are supposed to be having parenting time coordination this week and he will get what he wants because I am so afraid of the repercussions of speaking out.
I have given in on everything. Maybe I haven't really - maybe that is just my perception of the way it has been. I really don't know anymore.
When I look back though - I have given in. I am just hurting inside because of the stress all of this has caused in my life.
I have rosacea. I hate being in public because of how I look. It gets worse anytime I have to deal with him. Anytime I get stressed over this. I don't want to do anything because of how I look. I make plans and then look at myself and cancel them.
When I look back - maybe it wasn't so bad. Maybe what I felt was abuse really isn't abuse. This part of it is bad - and it is killing me slowly inside.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Long Time No Posting....
I have not posted here in a long while now. So long that a lot has gone on but today I was brought here by yesterdays events....
They boys are now in therapy. Well Kyle has been for a while but Adam this is new for him. He seems to do well with it. We have had two sessions and his first one he was a bit apprehensive. Last night though he did well and opened up and talked to him.
Our lives before were kind of a living hell. Not for Adam - he had the perfect life. Mom loved him. Dad loved him. Brother hated him. Okay maybe not so perfect but his life was not like Kyle and mine was.
Adam is scared to be alone with his brother. I am going to rearrange my house this weekend. Isabella is going to somehow be in my room. Adam is going into Isabella's room and Kyle is staying put.
Kyle is a big bully who is great at mental/emotional abuse. He hates his brother - has found a weakness and just needles away at him.
I laid in bed last night just crying. Adam said some things to Tom that scared me. Scared me because it is what I have heard come from Todd's mouth before. Kind of took Todd back but hey not sure he will associate the two.
How do you fix a child whom is so broken from all he has gone through. All I have put him through. All I have let happen to him. I have not been a good mother to him. Now I want to be but at times I am afraid it is to late.
I see Kyle ending up in prison if he keeps on this path. He is abusive in many ways. He is carrying on the cycle that has been done to him.
He has so much wrong with him that no one here can help him. He goes to therapy but the therapist says he does not see much change. He doesn't really talk to him - he is at that age.
What do I as a parent do? I feel helpless. I feel hopeless. I feel like a failure.
They boys are now in therapy. Well Kyle has been for a while but Adam this is new for him. He seems to do well with it. We have had two sessions and his first one he was a bit apprehensive. Last night though he did well and opened up and talked to him.
Our lives before were kind of a living hell. Not for Adam - he had the perfect life. Mom loved him. Dad loved him. Brother hated him. Okay maybe not so perfect but his life was not like Kyle and mine was.
Adam is scared to be alone with his brother. I am going to rearrange my house this weekend. Isabella is going to somehow be in my room. Adam is going into Isabella's room and Kyle is staying put.
Kyle is a big bully who is great at mental/emotional abuse. He hates his brother - has found a weakness and just needles away at him.
I laid in bed last night just crying. Adam said some things to Tom that scared me. Scared me because it is what I have heard come from Todd's mouth before. Kind of took Todd back but hey not sure he will associate the two.
How do you fix a child whom is so broken from all he has gone through. All I have put him through. All I have let happen to him. I have not been a good mother to him. Now I want to be but at times I am afraid it is to late.
I see Kyle ending up in prison if he keeps on this path. He is abusive in many ways. He is carrying on the cycle that has been done to him.
He has so much wrong with him that no one here can help him. He goes to therapy but the therapist says he does not see much change. He doesn't really talk to him - he is at that age.
What do I as a parent do? I feel helpless. I feel hopeless. I feel like a failure.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Monday, December 3, 2007
Amazing News...
Well things have been horrible financially. No help from the boys dad's with child support. No job for me due to health reasons and my boys. No help from the state because my disability is to much money each month.
I have been in a huge struggle and in tears most days because I am unable to actually provide for my boys what they need. I know they have a roof over their heads. I know they have a TV to watch, games to play, food in their bellies. Yet at the same time - we have no money for anything extra; no sports, no movies, no fun activities. I can barely afford to get them to and from appointments at this point in time.
Anyway - it appears that the appeal has gone through. It is at the Baltimore payment disbursement center. It isn't going to be as much as was expected but it will at last be something.
I will be able to get their winter stuff. I will be able to get them to appointments and pay for them. I will be able to get them into the sports they want to play.
I am feeling 1000 times better right now.
Of course that was toppled by bad news of insurance issues. I just give up. I normally pray for Todd but these past couple of weeks - I am struggling with it because of his lack of cooperation in giving/getting me information about the boys.
I have been in a huge struggle and in tears most days because I am unable to actually provide for my boys what they need. I know they have a roof over their heads. I know they have a TV to watch, games to play, food in their bellies. Yet at the same time - we have no money for anything extra; no sports, no movies, no fun activities. I can barely afford to get them to and from appointments at this point in time.
Anyway - it appears that the appeal has gone through. It is at the Baltimore payment disbursement center. It isn't going to be as much as was expected but it will at last be something.
I will be able to get their winter stuff. I will be able to get them to appointments and pay for them. I will be able to get them into the sports they want to play.
I am feeling 1000 times better right now.
Of course that was toppled by bad news of insurance issues. I just give up. I normally pray for Todd but these past couple of weeks - I am struggling with it because of his lack of cooperation in giving/getting me information about the boys.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
It is Snowing...
I look out my window right now and it is snowing. We have had a brief covering of snow once already this year but I am pretty sure this time - it is going to cover the green grass that was left outside my window.
I sent my youngest to school today in tennis shoes and with no snow-pants. What a great mom I am. Although in my defense - when he left - it was not snowing and it was supposed to rain today because it was supposed to be in the 40's. So even though I should have just known - considering the state I live in - I didn't take anything into consideration... So he is probably freezing and wet! At least he wore gloves and a hat!
Now why is it that when I do something nice for someone - it seems to come back and bite me? Not that this is really all that big of a deal but to me it is. When my friend had her baby I let her use the bassinette that was given to me. Along with that I let her have the two pink sheets and a white sheet that were given to me. Not a big deal to keep track of I would think. Yet I just got the bassinette back and it has one pink sheet and one white sheet. What happened to the other sheet? I asked and she said she swears she gave it to me. Which means she isn't really going to look for it. I know it is only a sheet but when you have zero extra dollars each month to spend on things - that extra sheet does mean something...
Also I am struggling with some jealous issues. I am not sure how to work through these but I have to figure out a way. I will get into them maybe tomorrow...
I am also struggling with the whole Christmas break thing and just dealing with Todd. It would be one of the reasons I switched the URL on my blog at this point in time.
I am tired and not ready for Isabella to be here. Yet she is going to be here in less than two weeks now... I am having daily headaches and daily exhaustion.
So please just give me grace right now!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Mediation Wording...
Before everyone makes comments about the whole email insanity that has been going on here is the exact wording in the mediation/visitation agreement regarding Christmas/Christmas Vacation.
Christmas: Amy and Todd will accommodate each others extended family holiday celebration schedule. Additionally, Christmas Day will be considered Christmas Eve, December 24, overnight until Christmas Day, December 25, as one holiday, and the parties will alternate that holiday. Todd will have 2007 and odd years thereafter, and Amy will have 2008 and even years thereafter.Christmas Vacation: The parties will evenly divide the Christmas vacation. The parties have agreed to not have
specific times for the holiday schedule but to work those schedules out.
So there are somethings left out - like my conversation with my lawyer (for the emails) but overall - you get the idea...
Email Insanity (Part 1)....
Email 1:
Todd,
I tried to reach you via phone this morning but did not have any luck.
There are a few things I needed to talk to you about so I am just going to send them in this email. I do not have a computer at this time. It died on me again yesterday morning and right now I am at the library sending this out.
December 4th is Adam Christmas Concert. I do not have a time yet for it though. I am going to guess it is somewhere around 7 PM but am not completely sure. As soon as it comes home I will let you know the time.
December 9th is my dad's Christmas party and I want to know if it is okay if I pick Adam up around 11 that day and take him to the movie with the rest of the family. Also I would bring him back as soon as the movie is over. Please let me know ASAP because my dad has to put in the request for the tickets in the next day or so.
December 22nd and 23rd are the family Christmas parties (Wetzel and my immediate family). So instead of you picking up Adam from school on the 21st you will pick him up the morning of the 24th.
We still need to work out the details for the Christmas break as well and I would like to get that done as soon as possible.
Also this date is not set in stone but I will know better next week on the 26th. The doctors have been talking about inducing me on the 11th of December. I want to make sure that it is okay for Adam to stay with you while I am in the hospital having her. Obviously I could go into the hospital prior if there are more complications but I want to get that set up with you as soon as I can. If it isn't going to be okay then I will just have him go where Kyle is going; which is fine but I thought you might like some extra time with him.
Unless you are able to get back to me in the next 40 minutes - I will not get the response to your email until tomorrow (the 20th).
Thank you,
Amy
Email 2:
Amy,
Sorry you couldn’t get a hold of me on the phone. It’s probably better to put this in writing so we can discuss each one separately anyway. I will reply to your email inline below... (edited by Amy to add - *** indicate his response)
Todd,
I tried to reach you via phone this morning but did not have any luck.
There are a few things I needed to talk to you about so I am just going to send them in this email. I do not have a computer at this time. It died on me again yesterday morning and right now I am at the library sending this out.
December 4th is Adam Christmas Concert. I do not have a time yet for it though. I am going to guess it is somewhere around 7 PM but am not completely sure. As soon as it comes home I will let you know the time.
*** Thank you for that information.
December 9th is my dad's Christmas party and I want to know if it is okay if I pick Adam up around 11 that day and take him to the movie with the rest of the family. Also I would bring him back as soon as the movie is over. Please let me know ASAP because my dad has to put in the request for the tickets in the next day or so.
*** December 7th, 8th, and 9th is the first full weekend of December. So as far as I know, you would have had him that weekend anyway. So I don’t suppose there will be an issue.
December 22nd and 23rd are the family Christmas parties (Wetzel and my immediate family). So instead of you picking up Adam from school on the 21st you will pick him up the morning of the 24th.
*** The Powers Family Christmas was scheduled for December 22nd, because that was a weekend that I was going to have Adam. My mother had expected us to come up on the 22nd, and then stay over for the 23rd to have our individual family Christmas that day. I don’t want Adam to miss Christmas with either of our families. As a compromise, I can probably convince her to have our family Christmas on the 21st instead, so I can have Adam back to you by the evening of the 22nd, so he can participate in your immediate family Christmas. I just need to know that you will let me have him on the afternoon of the 20th, so we can go up to my parents that evening.
We still need to work out the details for the Christmas break as well and I would like to get that done as soon as possible.
*** Well, Christmas is my holiday this year. The schedule that was defined, indicated that I would have him from Friday, the 21st through the morning of December 31st, with the exception that he would come over to your house on the 25th for your immediate family Christmas. He would be with you for New Years, and the remainder of his Christmas break. However, since you are going to need Adam on the weekend of the 23rd, we may need to trade a day. Let me know what day you want to trade.
Also this date is not set in stone but I will know better next week on the 26th. The doctors have been talking about inducing me on the 11th of December. I want to make sure that it is okay for Adam to stay with you while I am in the hospital having her. Obviously I could go into the hospital prior if there are more complications but I want to get that set up with you as soon as I can. If it isn't going to be okay then I will just have him go where Kyle is going; which is fine but I thought you might like some extra time with him.
*** As far as I know, that will be okay. You have him the weekend of the 7th, 8th, and 9th, which means I would have him on the 10th anyway. I can just keep him for the week if that would be more convenient for you.
Unless you are able to get back to me in the next 40 minutes - I will not get the response to your email until tomorrow (the 20th).
Thank you,
Amy
Email 3:
Todd,
I am not going to reply section by section but I am going to address some of the issues...
While we were in mediation we agreed to split Christmas break evenly. You also agreed to work with me regarding my family holiday times; with it being said that the Wetzels are now celebrating Christmas the Saturday PRIOR to Christmas. I recall you saying something about what if Christmas Eve falls on Saturday and Christmas falls on Sunday and being told that if it was your holiday that year - you would triumph working with the family Christmas on my side. So you were aware of when the Christmas would be on August 22nd this year.
Then again on October 6th I sent you an email regarding the Christmas holiday's with a proposed schedule and the dates that I would be needing Adam for the Christmas season. You replied on October 9th with you not having time to discuss it due to you seeking out homes and so on. Then you also let me know that you sent a proposed visitation schedule. So you go from telling me you have no time to discuss what I sent you to I need to find time to discuss what you sent me.
Then I sent you another email on November 19th. I get your response on the November 20th with things that are just not acceptable. You were more than aware of the time frames I would be needing Adam. You have Adam Christmas Eve and Day this year. I can not help if your mom was planning on you being there - you should have told her back in August and then again in October that you would not have Adam the weekend prior to Christmas.
There has not been a defined schedule for when you will have Adam. I have been trying to get your to define with me a schedule since October 6th and you refused to do so. So I am not sure where you get that the "defined" schedule is for you to have Adam from the 21st until the 31st. I sent nothing to you that was even close to that. Even if that is what you sent to your lawyer - I have never agreed with you for that to be the schedule.
I have been more than willing to work with you on this schedule but you have not been all to willing to work with me as you eluded to in your email from October.
At this point in time we are going to go with a schedule similar to the first one I sent you. I have enclosed it below so you can work out your family holidays with it in front of you.
Amy:
December - 22, 23, 29, 30, 31
January 1, 2, 3, 4
with pick up in the early AM on the 24th and 29th and Noon on the 5th
Todd:
December - 24, 25, 26, 27, 28
January 5, 6, 7
with pick up in early AM on 24th and 29th and Noon on 5th
I still do not have the time for Adam's Christmas Concert.
I do need to know if you would be able to get Adam to school the morning of December 10th. I would drop him off at about 7:20 in the morning. I have an appointment that I need to be to by 8 that morning. Then if all goes well with that appointment they will be inducing me on the 11th and Adam would need to stay with you for the time I am in the hospital. I won't know for sure though about the 11th until later in the day on the 10th but I will be sure to tell you as soon as I can.
If you have any questions please let me know.
Amy
Email 4:
Amy,
The defined schedule was sent to your lawyer over two months ago. Your lawyer requested that of me and I complied with his request. I wanted to work on a schedule with you, but was told that was not an option and I just needed to provide a schedule, laying out all of the days of the year. Check with your lawyer regarding that. He has the schedule, whether or not he has shared it with you.
The schedule that you provided is not a “split” schedule for Christmas break, as we had agreed to in mediation. We are supposed to split the holiday evenly. The schedule you provided only gives me two days. That is not what we agreed to.
The weekend of the 22nd is my weekend. I was offering to split that up for you so that Adam could participate in both Christmases. You can’t possibly demand that I give up my weekend. If you are going to do that, then I guess I won’t offer to split the weekend with you at all.On the other hand, if you want to work with me, we can come up with a schedule that will work for both of us. You’ll have to talk with your family and see if you can move the immediate family Christmas around so that Adam can be there. Since it is only you and your brothers and sisters, that is obviously more flexible than expecting me to get the entire Powers family to move their date.
If you want to work with me on this, I will be happy to. But I’m not going to sit here and take orders from you.
Adam’s Christmas holiday is to be split 50/50 between you and I.
The weekend of the 22nd and 23rd is my weekend. If you want Adam on the 23rd, that is fine, but I will need to pick him up after school on Thursday the 20th in return, so that we can get up to my parents and celebrate Christmas with them on the 21st.
I’m offering to compromise. I’m sorry if it doesn’t match your plans exactly, but it doesn’t match my family’s plans exactly either. We’re BOTH going to have to budge a little bit here.
-Todd
Email 5:
Todd,
Just because my lawyer asked for what you would like defined as a visitation schedule does not mean that it was agreed to. So that does not make what you put on paper set in stone. As for knowing about this - you told me a while ago you sent it and I asked you to send it to me and you have yet to do it. So no I have no clue what was on it.
I am not sure how you figure you only get two of his days with the schedule that I sent to you. Here are the days I put down for you.... December 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, January 5, 6, 7 - that would be more than 2 days.
As for when is your weekends - we have nothing set in stone. We have nothing that has been signed off as a temp order or permanent order for visitation at this point in time.
You have been aware for a long time now about when the holiday for my family was. You have him for both Christmas day and eve; which you have known about since August 22nd. So why your parents would switch the day that they normally do the Powers' Christmas is beyond me (Christmas Eve for the full 10 years we were together) when she knew you would have Adam on those days.
Adam is not missing school. He would miss his holiday parties and other things if you took him on the 20th. It is not an option. He is not missing school for a day when he has a 16 day break!
As for me not working with you - I have been trying to work with you on this issue since October 6th and you have refused.
-Amy
Email 6:
Amy,
I attempted to work with you to come up with a schedule and you told me that there should be “no further communication directly with you”, and that “everything would have to e handled through your lawyer”. So I talked to my lawyer and asked her to get things facilitated. Your lawyer required that I simply define the schedule. That’s what I did. That’s what was agreed to. Whether or not your lawyer shared this information with you or not, is none of my concern. It sounds like you have a communication problem with your lawyer.
Why and whether the Powers family decided to change their typical Christmas celebration day, is really none of your concern. But if you must know, it is because most of my cousins have kids of their own and it is much too difficult for everyone to get all of the kids packed up and back home by Christmas eve. So the family decided to change it this year. If you have a problem with that, you can take it up with the Powers family in general, not me. It is not me that decided on the date.
The schedule that you outlined is not even accurate. I still get Adam on the weekends, like I normally would. The remainder of the week days during Christmas break are supposed to be split between you and I. The schedule that you have outlined includes you having him for both weekends. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to give up my weekends. If you want him the weekend of the 29th and 30th, in place of the first weekend in January, I will be happy to swap those for you, but that would mean that I would have Adam on the 31st. (The Monday after your weekend) Since you are supposed to have him for New Years, that really doesn’t make sense to switch.
Regardless. I have Adam the weekend of the 22nd and 23rd. If you would like to have him on the 23rd, I will need to find another time to have our immediate family Christmas with my Mother, Father, Tim, Ann, Adam, and I. I am willing to find another time for that so that you can have him on the 23rd. However, I doubt that there is any other good option, other than the 21st. (Friday) Neither my brother and Ann, or Adam and I would want to make the trip all the way up there to Hart just for one day. It should coincide with the Powers family Christmas on the 22nd.
I’m trying to be flexible here and work with you. You said you wanted him on Sunday. I don’t have a problem with that, but our Christmas is on Saturday. So I can not trade both days away.
I’m sorry if that is not exactly what you were hoping for, but it is the best that I can offer. Please understand that I am trying to work with you here.
Todd,
I tried to reach you via phone this morning but did not have any luck.
There are a few things I needed to talk to you about so I am just going to send them in this email. I do not have a computer at this time. It died on me again yesterday morning and right now I am at the library sending this out.
December 4th is Adam Christmas Concert. I do not have a time yet for it though. I am going to guess it is somewhere around 7 PM but am not completely sure. As soon as it comes home I will let you know the time.
December 9th is my dad's Christmas party and I want to know if it is okay if I pick Adam up around 11 that day and take him to the movie with the rest of the family. Also I would bring him back as soon as the movie is over. Please let me know ASAP because my dad has to put in the request for the tickets in the next day or so.
December 22nd and 23rd are the family Christmas parties (Wetzel and my immediate family). So instead of you picking up Adam from school on the 21st you will pick him up the morning of the 24th.
We still need to work out the details for the Christmas break as well and I would like to get that done as soon as possible.
Also this date is not set in stone but I will know better next week on the 26th. The doctors have been talking about inducing me on the 11th of December. I want to make sure that it is okay for Adam to stay with you while I am in the hospital having her. Obviously I could go into the hospital prior if there are more complications but I want to get that set up with you as soon as I can. If it isn't going to be okay then I will just have him go where Kyle is going; which is fine but I thought you might like some extra time with him.
Unless you are able to get back to me in the next 40 minutes - I will not get the response to your email until tomorrow (the 20th).
Thank you,
Amy
Email 2:
Amy,
Sorry you couldn’t get a hold of me on the phone. It’s probably better to put this in writing so we can discuss each one separately anyway. I will reply to your email inline below... (edited by Amy to add - *** indicate his response)
Todd,
I tried to reach you via phone this morning but did not have any luck.
There are a few things I needed to talk to you about so I am just going to send them in this email. I do not have a computer at this time. It died on me again yesterday morning and right now I am at the library sending this out.
December 4th is Adam Christmas Concert. I do not have a time yet for it though. I am going to guess it is somewhere around 7 PM but am not completely sure. As soon as it comes home I will let you know the time.
*** Thank you for that information.
December 9th is my dad's Christmas party and I want to know if it is okay if I pick Adam up around 11 that day and take him to the movie with the rest of the family. Also I would bring him back as soon as the movie is over. Please let me know ASAP because my dad has to put in the request for the tickets in the next day or so.
*** December 7th, 8th, and 9th is the first full weekend of December. So as far as I know, you would have had him that weekend anyway. So I don’t suppose there will be an issue.
December 22nd and 23rd are the family Christmas parties (Wetzel and my immediate family). So instead of you picking up Adam from school on the 21st you will pick him up the morning of the 24th.
*** The Powers Family Christmas was scheduled for December 22nd, because that was a weekend that I was going to have Adam. My mother had expected us to come up on the 22nd, and then stay over for the 23rd to have our individual family Christmas that day. I don’t want Adam to miss Christmas with either of our families. As a compromise, I can probably convince her to have our family Christmas on the 21st instead, so I can have Adam back to you by the evening of the 22nd, so he can participate in your immediate family Christmas. I just need to know that you will let me have him on the afternoon of the 20th, so we can go up to my parents that evening.
We still need to work out the details for the Christmas break as well and I would like to get that done as soon as possible.
*** Well, Christmas is my holiday this year. The schedule that was defined, indicated that I would have him from Friday, the 21st through the morning of December 31st, with the exception that he would come over to your house on the 25th for your immediate family Christmas. He would be with you for New Years, and the remainder of his Christmas break. However, since you are going to need Adam on the weekend of the 23rd, we may need to trade a day. Let me know what day you want to trade.
Also this date is not set in stone but I will know better next week on the 26th. The doctors have been talking about inducing me on the 11th of December. I want to make sure that it is okay for Adam to stay with you while I am in the hospital having her. Obviously I could go into the hospital prior if there are more complications but I want to get that set up with you as soon as I can. If it isn't going to be okay then I will just have him go where Kyle is going; which is fine but I thought you might like some extra time with him.
*** As far as I know, that will be okay. You have him the weekend of the 7th, 8th, and 9th, which means I would have him on the 10th anyway. I can just keep him for the week if that would be more convenient for you.
Unless you are able to get back to me in the next 40 minutes - I will not get the response to your email until tomorrow (the 20th).
Thank you,
Amy
Email 3:
Todd,
I am not going to reply section by section but I am going to address some of the issues...
While we were in mediation we agreed to split Christmas break evenly. You also agreed to work with me regarding my family holiday times; with it being said that the Wetzels are now celebrating Christmas the Saturday PRIOR to Christmas. I recall you saying something about what if Christmas Eve falls on Saturday and Christmas falls on Sunday and being told that if it was your holiday that year - you would triumph working with the family Christmas on my side. So you were aware of when the Christmas would be on August 22nd this year.
Then again on October 6th I sent you an email regarding the Christmas holiday's with a proposed schedule and the dates that I would be needing Adam for the Christmas season. You replied on October 9th with you not having time to discuss it due to you seeking out homes and so on. Then you also let me know that you sent a proposed visitation schedule. So you go from telling me you have no time to discuss what I sent you to I need to find time to discuss what you sent me.
Then I sent you another email on November 19th. I get your response on the November 20th with things that are just not acceptable. You were more than aware of the time frames I would be needing Adam. You have Adam Christmas Eve and Day this year. I can not help if your mom was planning on you being there - you should have told her back in August and then again in October that you would not have Adam the weekend prior to Christmas.
There has not been a defined schedule for when you will have Adam. I have been trying to get your to define with me a schedule since October 6th and you refused to do so. So I am not sure where you get that the "defined" schedule is for you to have Adam from the 21st until the 31st. I sent nothing to you that was even close to that. Even if that is what you sent to your lawyer - I have never agreed with you for that to be the schedule.
I have been more than willing to work with you on this schedule but you have not been all to willing to work with me as you eluded to in your email from October.
At this point in time we are going to go with a schedule similar to the first one I sent you. I have enclosed it below so you can work out your family holidays with it in front of you.
Amy:
December - 22, 23, 29, 30, 31
January 1, 2, 3, 4
with pick up in the early AM on the 24th and 29th and Noon on the 5th
Todd:
December - 24, 25, 26, 27, 28
January 5, 6, 7
with pick up in early AM on 24th and 29th and Noon on 5th
I still do not have the time for Adam's Christmas Concert.
I do need to know if you would be able to get Adam to school the morning of December 10th. I would drop him off at about 7:20 in the morning. I have an appointment that I need to be to by 8 that morning. Then if all goes well with that appointment they will be inducing me on the 11th and Adam would need to stay with you for the time I am in the hospital. I won't know for sure though about the 11th until later in the day on the 10th but I will be sure to tell you as soon as I can.
If you have any questions please let me know.
Amy
Email 4:
Amy,
The defined schedule was sent to your lawyer over two months ago. Your lawyer requested that of me and I complied with his request. I wanted to work on a schedule with you, but was told that was not an option and I just needed to provide a schedule, laying out all of the days of the year. Check with your lawyer regarding that. He has the schedule, whether or not he has shared it with you.
The schedule that you provided is not a “split” schedule for Christmas break, as we had agreed to in mediation. We are supposed to split the holiday evenly. The schedule you provided only gives me two days. That is not what we agreed to.
The weekend of the 22nd is my weekend. I was offering to split that up for you so that Adam could participate in both Christmases. You can’t possibly demand that I give up my weekend. If you are going to do that, then I guess I won’t offer to split the weekend with you at all.On the other hand, if you want to work with me, we can come up with a schedule that will work for both of us. You’ll have to talk with your family and see if you can move the immediate family Christmas around so that Adam can be there. Since it is only you and your brothers and sisters, that is obviously more flexible than expecting me to get the entire Powers family to move their date.
If you want to work with me on this, I will be happy to. But I’m not going to sit here and take orders from you.
Adam’s Christmas holiday is to be split 50/50 between you and I.
The weekend of the 22nd and 23rd is my weekend. If you want Adam on the 23rd, that is fine, but I will need to pick him up after school on Thursday the 20th in return, so that we can get up to my parents and celebrate Christmas with them on the 21st.
I’m offering to compromise. I’m sorry if it doesn’t match your plans exactly, but it doesn’t match my family’s plans exactly either. We’re BOTH going to have to budge a little bit here.
-Todd
Email 5:
Todd,
Just because my lawyer asked for what you would like defined as a visitation schedule does not mean that it was agreed to. So that does not make what you put on paper set in stone. As for knowing about this - you told me a while ago you sent it and I asked you to send it to me and you have yet to do it. So no I have no clue what was on it.
I am not sure how you figure you only get two of his days with the schedule that I sent to you. Here are the days I put down for you.... December 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, January 5, 6, 7 - that would be more than 2 days.
As for when is your weekends - we have nothing set in stone. We have nothing that has been signed off as a temp order or permanent order for visitation at this point in time.
You have been aware for a long time now about when the holiday for my family was. You have him for both Christmas day and eve; which you have known about since August 22nd. So why your parents would switch the day that they normally do the Powers' Christmas is beyond me (Christmas Eve for the full 10 years we were together) when she knew you would have Adam on those days.
Adam is not missing school. He would miss his holiday parties and other things if you took him on the 20th. It is not an option. He is not missing school for a day when he has a 16 day break!
As for me not working with you - I have been trying to work with you on this issue since October 6th and you have refused.
-Amy
Email 6:
Amy,
I attempted to work with you to come up with a schedule and you told me that there should be “no further communication directly with you”, and that “everything would have to e handled through your lawyer”. So I talked to my lawyer and asked her to get things facilitated. Your lawyer required that I simply define the schedule. That’s what I did. That’s what was agreed to. Whether or not your lawyer shared this information with you or not, is none of my concern. It sounds like you have a communication problem with your lawyer.
Why and whether the Powers family decided to change their typical Christmas celebration day, is really none of your concern. But if you must know, it is because most of my cousins have kids of their own and it is much too difficult for everyone to get all of the kids packed up and back home by Christmas eve. So the family decided to change it this year. If you have a problem with that, you can take it up with the Powers family in general, not me. It is not me that decided on the date.
The schedule that you outlined is not even accurate. I still get Adam on the weekends, like I normally would. The remainder of the week days during Christmas break are supposed to be split between you and I. The schedule that you have outlined includes you having him for both weekends. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to give up my weekends. If you want him the weekend of the 29th and 30th, in place of the first weekend in January, I will be happy to swap those for you, but that would mean that I would have Adam on the 31st. (The Monday after your weekend) Since you are supposed to have him for New Years, that really doesn’t make sense to switch.
Regardless. I have Adam the weekend of the 22nd and 23rd. If you would like to have him on the 23rd, I will need to find another time to have our immediate family Christmas with my Mother, Father, Tim, Ann, Adam, and I. I am willing to find another time for that so that you can have him on the 23rd. However, I doubt that there is any other good option, other than the 21st. (Friday) Neither my brother and Ann, or Adam and I would want to make the trip all the way up there to Hart just for one day. It should coincide with the Powers family Christmas on the 22nd.
I’m trying to be flexible here and work with you. You said you wanted him on Sunday. I don’t have a problem with that, but our Christmas is on Saturday. So I can not trade both days away.
I’m sorry if that is not exactly what you were hoping for, but it is the best that I can offer. Please understand that I am trying to work with you here.
Email Insanity (Part 2)....
Email 7:
Todd,
If you are going to quote me - it would do you well to quote what was actually written. The email was from October 10th and the whole email was in regards to the sale of the house. I ended it with this paragraph, "As far as dealing with this divorce ourselves. I am done. From this point on - unless it has to do with Adam directly - point all issues to your lawyer and your lawyer will get in touch with mine; whom will then contact me." If you notice it is very specific that unless it has to do with Adam directly; which the visitation would be; to use the lawyers.
Do not tell me you attempted to work out a visitation schedule with me because it was in those emails you told me that this was the least of your concern and you would only deal with one issue at a time and that issue at that point in time was the sale of the house.
Please contact me after you have had your meeting with your lawyer in December and then we will discuss the visitation at that point.
Amy
Email 8:
Amy,
I don’t take the time to remember every word that you said to me. You’re not worth my time. The only think I remembered is that you hung up on me, saying that everything needed to go through your lawyer. So that’s what I did. Apparently that was the best decision anyway, because you are obviously NOT willing to compromise on any visitation arrangements.
I’m not sure what you are referring to in regards to a meeting with my lawyer in December. I do not have anything scheduled with her at that time.
I’m going to assume by your short email, that you are no longer interested in coming to a compromise concerning Adam’s Christmas break. I was more than willing to discuss you having Adam on the 23rd, as I do not want him to miss out on your family’s Christmas. That is obviously still an option if you want to discuss it.
-Todd
Email 9:
Todd,
I never told you to go through the lawyers and then hung up on you. I have done 99% of the communication with you via email since August.
You need to understand that having Adam on weekends do not mean more than my weeks. Christmas vacation is to be split evenly - and that does mean you will be giving up what has been going on; the weekends during the break he has. Do not tell me I am the one who is unwilling to compromise. You are saying to me that your time is still yours and you are not giving them up but the time I would normally have Adam I have to share. You are being very irrational over what equally split means. If you are unwilling to give up your time then I will consider just keeping the regular schedule. You would have him from 4 PM on the 21st until 8 AM on the 24th and then 4 PM on the 28th until 8 AM on the 31st. Then once school resumes you would pick him up for your overnight at 4 PM on the 7th until 8 AM on the 8th.
Todd you have been aware of when my families Christmas was going to be since our mediation in August. If you decided not to share that with your family - to be perfectly honest - it isn't my fault or problem.
Just because my lawyer asked you to submit what you wanted for visitation does not mean that is what was agreed upon. Nothing has been set in stone. As a matter of fact at this point in time there is no temporary or permanent order in place for visitation with Adam between us. We went through mediation and I have been following that but since you still don't agree to what was decided upon while we were there I am wondering why I am following that at all.
Well your lawyer let mine know she needed to meet with your mom in December to go over what went on in court in order to decide the next steps that needed to be taken (or something along those lines). I kind of got the idea that you would be involved with that process since it is you and I going through the divorce and not your mom and I.
After I have had time to sort through what is going on with all of this - I will get back to you. It probably won't be until next week though because of the holiday and not getting a response from Ken until he is back in the office.
-Amy
Todd,
On another note - I still do not know if you are willing to have me drop Adam off early on the morning of the 10th or not - you have not answered that for me. Also the week of the 11th if I am to be induced I need to know for sure if you are willing to have him there. I have to have this set so I know where each of the boys are going and when. I have started to work on other arraignments because your response was more like you are doing me a favor than you really wanting him there. So please let me know.
-Amy
Email 10:
Amy,
In mediation, you agreed to split the holiday vacation IN ADDITION TO our normal visitation schedule. It sounds to me as if you were not totally aware of exactly what we were talking about in mediation. Perhaps you should have conferred with your lawyer if you were confused. If you are now not willing to split the Christmas vacation with me, as you agreed to in mediation, then I will go ahead and take Adam on my normal weekends, in addition to Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, which are mine this year. I will pick him up on the 21st, and drop him back off on the morning of the 26th.
Since New Years is yours, and that is Monday night/Tuesday morning, then you will have Adam then anyway. Perhaps you and he can celebrate together the 1-year anniversary of the day you gave up on our marriage.
You will also have him on the first weekend of January (4,5,6), so I will pick him up on the 7th for my normal Monday.
Since you are unwilling to split the Christmas vacation time with me, then I expect to make that time up at some other time during the year. I will let you know in advance when there are approximately 5 days that I would like to have Adam.
Contrary to your belief, I have NOT been aware of your family Christmas schedule until the email that you just sent me this week. You MENTIONED in mediation that your family was going to do something prior to the actual Christmas holiday, but you also said that you weren’t sure of what was going on and that you would let me know. At the time, you indicated that it would probably be a SUNDAY, but you did not say whether it was going to be 1 week prior, 2 weeks prior, or anything certain at all. I’m not going to plan my schedule based on guesses and maybes. As far as I was concerned, I was waiting for you to figure out exactly what was going on.
I’m sorry that you waited so long, but that’s not really my problem. I tried to be nice and work with you to come up with a schedule that worked for both of us, but you are unwilling to do anything other than EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT. I was willing to compromise and work with you. You were only willing to DEMAND your schedule and would not budge.
For the record, I am still willing to come up with a compromise with you if you are still interested in having Adam with you and your family on Christmas. I do not want him to miss out on that.
As far as my lawyer meeting with my mother, I’m not sure where that information would have even come from. There is no meeting with my mother as far as I am aware. I’m not sure why there even would be.
I’m pretty sure I already answered your question about the 10th, 11th, etc... My answer was as follows:
*** As far as I know, that will be okay. You have him the weekend of the 7th, 8th, and 9th, which means I would have him on the 10 th anyway. I can just keep him for the week if that would be more convenient for you.
Of course I want him here. Why would you ever consider that I wouldn’t want him here? You know better than that. I am always happy to have Adam with me, regardless of the time or place. Ever since you left, I have done nothing but rearrange my schedule whenever I have had the chance to have Adam with me. I have put everything else in my life on hold in order to spend time with him. For you to even suggest that I wouldn’t want him here is just ignorant.
Email 11:
Todd,
Again I will get back to you about what the Christmas break schedule will be next week. I will be speaking with my lawyer about this issue when he returns to the office.
Just to confirm I will be dropping Adam off around 7:20 in the morning on December 10th and as soon as I hear from the doctors I will let you know about the rest of the week.
Plus Todd you have been aware of when my family holidays were to be - here are the emails to refresh your memory.
-Amy
(Email 3)
Todd,
Let me get this straight - before it was we could talk about nothing other than visitation and now it is we can talk about nothing other than the sale of the home?
I really wish you could decide upon what direction you would like to go in and then realize this isn't just about you and what you feel like talking about or doing.
I have let you know numerous time; I have given my numbers to Judy. I do not agree with the number you have given me and I am not going to say that I do. There were numerous things you left out. There is no way to determine what the final price is going to be. If you are not willing to go below a certain amount please get that to Judy with your top and low number. I have told her that I am willing to sell the house for what the market is dictating. It is a buyers market - not a sellers market right now. I personally am aware of that and would just like to get this house sold.
I asked you nicely to let me know about this holiday and you are unwilling to do that; in which was agreed upon in mediation. I have for over the 14 months let you see and take Adam all the time. I asked for financial help from you back in December - 4 months after we had been gone; with you offering nothing in that time for financial help. You told me you would try but would not agree to it. I have at this point only received 3 child support payments from you. I have given you more and more when it comes to the time you have with Adam and you have given nothing. Just so you understand and our lawyers; I am not willing to change the schedule giving you anymore time for visitation.
We have gone through mediation. During mediation we agreed upon a preliminary visitation. Since that time I have been abiding by that schedule. You were also supposed to get the information about your life insurance policy and retirement funds; neither have been done or handed over to my lawyer. We also agreed to sell the house; that is not happening either. You were supposed to get back to me regarding the list of things in the house; that has not happened either. You were also supposed to start paying child support; that has not happened either. So far Todd it is not me who has been difficult - it seems to be that you are the one who is stone walling the divorce process.
I have sat back and allowed you to dictate what we talk about and when. I am letting you know that isn't going to happen anymore.
We need to discuss this Christmas break schedule at this point in time. I have submitted a proposed time frame and asked for your input. Please get back to me like I requested. You are saying you have no time to discuss this schedule but you put plenty of time and thought into your reply to my email; in which had nothing to do with the Christmas schedule.
Amy
(Email 2)
On 10/9/07, Todd wrote:
Amy,
I am in the middle of trying to find a new house, so I can move out of this one and we can put this house on the market. I have been spending countless hours viewing houses and working with realtors. I really don't have the time to start talking about Christmas break.
I am expecting YOU and ME to come to an agreement on the terms of the sale of the house. I have asked you numerous times to discuss this with me, and you have denied me that. When you want to sit down like an adult and work out the details of the house, I am ready.
Until that time, I really don't have the time or energy to be discussing other things. One thing at a time please. Once the terms of the sale of the house are agreed upon, we can start talking about the visitation schedule. I have already submitted a proposed visitation schedule through the lawyers. You should have received a copy of it.
(Email 1)
On Behalf Of Amy PowersSent: Saturday, October 06, 2007 8:00 AMTo: Todd
Subject: Christmas Holiday...
Todd,
I know it is only October but I want to get the Christmas holiday scheduled with you now so that we know what is going on and I can get it on my calendar...
As was stated in mediation the Wetzel family is trying to do Christmas the Saturday prior to actual Christmas. So this year that would be on the 22nd...
Here is my proposal for the holiday:
I have Adam on:
December 22nd and 23rd instead of you picking him up from school on the 21st. That way will have him around for the Wetzel family and then the boys and I can celebrate the morning of the 23rd and my immediate family can do their Christmas with him on the evening of the 23rd.
You would pick him up the morning of the 24th and have him until Sunday morning the 30th.
I would get him from the 30th until about Noon of the 5th.
You would then have him around Noon on the 5th and take him to school on the morning of the 7th...
So Amy:
December - 22, 23, 30, 31
January 1, 2, 3, 4
with pick up in the early AM on the 24th and 30th and Noon on the 5th
So Todd:
December - 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29
January 5, 6, 7
with pick up in early AM on 24th and 30th and Noon on 5th
Please let me know as soon as you can.
Sorry if this is a bit jumbled - trying to get this typed up prior to heading to a funeral...
Amy
Email 12:
Amy,
As you will clearly note... We were in the middle of discussing the sale of the house and you sent me an email concerning visitation. I replied to you and requested that you keep our discussion on one topic.
What makes you think that I even took the time to read your email? I did not address anything in your email. I did not comment on anything you had to say. I got through the first sentence and quit reading when I realized that it was completely off-topic from what we were discussing at the time and I quickly hit reply and told you that I was expecting to keep the topic of discussion on the house.
As far as I know the email that you quoted below could have simply been manufactured by you here today. I’ve never read any more than the first sentence before. You could have just made the rest of it up today.
I will be happy to have Adam on the week of the 10th. I will plan for it.
FYI: If you are unwilling to honor the schedule that we defined in mediation, then I am going to have to request that we go back to our original visitation schedule where I have him on the weekends from Friday afternoon through Monday morning, and you have him the remainder of the time. The only reason I agreed to give up one weekend a month was because I would be getting that time back at other times throughout the year. One of the two weeks during Christmas break was part of that time.
Todd,
If you are going to quote me - it would do you well to quote what was actually written. The email was from October 10th and the whole email was in regards to the sale of the house. I ended it with this paragraph, "As far as dealing with this divorce ourselves. I am done. From this point on - unless it has to do with Adam directly - point all issues to your lawyer and your lawyer will get in touch with mine; whom will then contact me." If you notice it is very specific that unless it has to do with Adam directly; which the visitation would be; to use the lawyers.
Do not tell me you attempted to work out a visitation schedule with me because it was in those emails you told me that this was the least of your concern and you would only deal with one issue at a time and that issue at that point in time was the sale of the house.
Please contact me after you have had your meeting with your lawyer in December and then we will discuss the visitation at that point.
Amy
Email 8:
Amy,
I don’t take the time to remember every word that you said to me. You’re not worth my time. The only think I remembered is that you hung up on me, saying that everything needed to go through your lawyer. So that’s what I did. Apparently that was the best decision anyway, because you are obviously NOT willing to compromise on any visitation arrangements.
I’m not sure what you are referring to in regards to a meeting with my lawyer in December. I do not have anything scheduled with her at that time.
I’m going to assume by your short email, that you are no longer interested in coming to a compromise concerning Adam’s Christmas break. I was more than willing to discuss you having Adam on the 23rd, as I do not want him to miss out on your family’s Christmas. That is obviously still an option if you want to discuss it.
-Todd
Email 9:
Todd,
I never told you to go through the lawyers and then hung up on you. I have done 99% of the communication with you via email since August.
You need to understand that having Adam on weekends do not mean more than my weeks. Christmas vacation is to be split evenly - and that does mean you will be giving up what has been going on; the weekends during the break he has. Do not tell me I am the one who is unwilling to compromise. You are saying to me that your time is still yours and you are not giving them up but the time I would normally have Adam I have to share. You are being very irrational over what equally split means. If you are unwilling to give up your time then I will consider just keeping the regular schedule. You would have him from 4 PM on the 21st until 8 AM on the 24th and then 4 PM on the 28th until 8 AM on the 31st. Then once school resumes you would pick him up for your overnight at 4 PM on the 7th until 8 AM on the 8th.
Todd you have been aware of when my families Christmas was going to be since our mediation in August. If you decided not to share that with your family - to be perfectly honest - it isn't my fault or problem.
Just because my lawyer asked you to submit what you wanted for visitation does not mean that is what was agreed upon. Nothing has been set in stone. As a matter of fact at this point in time there is no temporary or permanent order in place for visitation with Adam between us. We went through mediation and I have been following that but since you still don't agree to what was decided upon while we were there I am wondering why I am following that at all.
Well your lawyer let mine know she needed to meet with your mom in December to go over what went on in court in order to decide the next steps that needed to be taken (or something along those lines). I kind of got the idea that you would be involved with that process since it is you and I going through the divorce and not your mom and I.
After I have had time to sort through what is going on with all of this - I will get back to you. It probably won't be until next week though because of the holiday and not getting a response from Ken until he is back in the office.
-Amy
Todd,
On another note - I still do not know if you are willing to have me drop Adam off early on the morning of the 10th or not - you have not answered that for me. Also the week of the 11th if I am to be induced I need to know for sure if you are willing to have him there. I have to have this set so I know where each of the boys are going and when. I have started to work on other arraignments because your response was more like you are doing me a favor than you really wanting him there. So please let me know.
-Amy
Email 10:
Amy,
In mediation, you agreed to split the holiday vacation IN ADDITION TO our normal visitation schedule. It sounds to me as if you were not totally aware of exactly what we were talking about in mediation. Perhaps you should have conferred with your lawyer if you were confused. If you are now not willing to split the Christmas vacation with me, as you agreed to in mediation, then I will go ahead and take Adam on my normal weekends, in addition to Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, which are mine this year. I will pick him up on the 21st, and drop him back off on the morning of the 26th.
Since New Years is yours, and that is Monday night/Tuesday morning, then you will have Adam then anyway. Perhaps you and he can celebrate together the 1-year anniversary of the day you gave up on our marriage.
You will also have him on the first weekend of January (4,5,6), so I will pick him up on the 7th for my normal Monday.
Since you are unwilling to split the Christmas vacation time with me, then I expect to make that time up at some other time during the year. I will let you know in advance when there are approximately 5 days that I would like to have Adam.
Contrary to your belief, I have NOT been aware of your family Christmas schedule until the email that you just sent me this week. You MENTIONED in mediation that your family was going to do something prior to the actual Christmas holiday, but you also said that you weren’t sure of what was going on and that you would let me know. At the time, you indicated that it would probably be a SUNDAY, but you did not say whether it was going to be 1 week prior, 2 weeks prior, or anything certain at all. I’m not going to plan my schedule based on guesses and maybes. As far as I was concerned, I was waiting for you to figure out exactly what was going on.
I’m sorry that you waited so long, but that’s not really my problem. I tried to be nice and work with you to come up with a schedule that worked for both of us, but you are unwilling to do anything other than EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT. I was willing to compromise and work with you. You were only willing to DEMAND your schedule and would not budge.
For the record, I am still willing to come up with a compromise with you if you are still interested in having Adam with you and your family on Christmas. I do not want him to miss out on that.
As far as my lawyer meeting with my mother, I’m not sure where that information would have even come from. There is no meeting with my mother as far as I am aware. I’m not sure why there even would be.
I’m pretty sure I already answered your question about the 10th, 11th, etc... My answer was as follows:
*** As far as I know, that will be okay. You have him the weekend of the 7th, 8th, and 9th, which means I would have him on the 10 th anyway. I can just keep him for the week if that would be more convenient for you.
Of course I want him here. Why would you ever consider that I wouldn’t want him here? You know better than that. I am always happy to have Adam with me, regardless of the time or place. Ever since you left, I have done nothing but rearrange my schedule whenever I have had the chance to have Adam with me. I have put everything else in my life on hold in order to spend time with him. For you to even suggest that I wouldn’t want him here is just ignorant.
Email 11:
Todd,
Again I will get back to you about what the Christmas break schedule will be next week. I will be speaking with my lawyer about this issue when he returns to the office.
Just to confirm I will be dropping Adam off around 7:20 in the morning on December 10th and as soon as I hear from the doctors I will let you know about the rest of the week.
Plus Todd you have been aware of when my family holidays were to be - here are the emails to refresh your memory.
-Amy
(Email 3)
Todd,
Let me get this straight - before it was we could talk about nothing other than visitation and now it is we can talk about nothing other than the sale of the home?
I really wish you could decide upon what direction you would like to go in and then realize this isn't just about you and what you feel like talking about or doing.
I have let you know numerous time; I have given my numbers to Judy. I do not agree with the number you have given me and I am not going to say that I do. There were numerous things you left out. There is no way to determine what the final price is going to be. If you are not willing to go below a certain amount please get that to Judy with your top and low number. I have told her that I am willing to sell the house for what the market is dictating. It is a buyers market - not a sellers market right now. I personally am aware of that and would just like to get this house sold.
I asked you nicely to let me know about this holiday and you are unwilling to do that; in which was agreed upon in mediation. I have for over the 14 months let you see and take Adam all the time. I asked for financial help from you back in December - 4 months after we had been gone; with you offering nothing in that time for financial help. You told me you would try but would not agree to it. I have at this point only received 3 child support payments from you. I have given you more and more when it comes to the time you have with Adam and you have given nothing. Just so you understand and our lawyers; I am not willing to change the schedule giving you anymore time for visitation.
We have gone through mediation. During mediation we agreed upon a preliminary visitation. Since that time I have been abiding by that schedule. You were also supposed to get the information about your life insurance policy and retirement funds; neither have been done or handed over to my lawyer. We also agreed to sell the house; that is not happening either. You were supposed to get back to me regarding the list of things in the house; that has not happened either. You were also supposed to start paying child support; that has not happened either. So far Todd it is not me who has been difficult - it seems to be that you are the one who is stone walling the divorce process.
I have sat back and allowed you to dictate what we talk about and when. I am letting you know that isn't going to happen anymore.
We need to discuss this Christmas break schedule at this point in time. I have submitted a proposed time frame and asked for your input. Please get back to me like I requested. You are saying you have no time to discuss this schedule but you put plenty of time and thought into your reply to my email; in which had nothing to do with the Christmas schedule.
Amy
(Email 2)
On 10/9/07, Todd wrote:
Amy,
I am in the middle of trying to find a new house, so I can move out of this one and we can put this house on the market. I have been spending countless hours viewing houses and working with realtors. I really don't have the time to start talking about Christmas break.
I am expecting YOU and ME to come to an agreement on the terms of the sale of the house. I have asked you numerous times to discuss this with me, and you have denied me that. When you want to sit down like an adult and work out the details of the house, I am ready.
Until that time, I really don't have the time or energy to be discussing other things. One thing at a time please. Once the terms of the sale of the house are agreed upon, we can start talking about the visitation schedule. I have already submitted a proposed visitation schedule through the lawyers. You should have received a copy of it.
(Email 1)
On Behalf Of Amy PowersSent: Saturday, October 06, 2007 8:00 AMTo: Todd
Subject: Christmas Holiday...
Todd,
I know it is only October but I want to get the Christmas holiday scheduled with you now so that we know what is going on and I can get it on my calendar...
As was stated in mediation the Wetzel family is trying to do Christmas the Saturday prior to actual Christmas. So this year that would be on the 22nd...
Here is my proposal for the holiday:
I have Adam on:
December 22nd and 23rd instead of you picking him up from school on the 21st. That way will have him around for the Wetzel family and then the boys and I can celebrate the morning of the 23rd and my immediate family can do their Christmas with him on the evening of the 23rd.
You would pick him up the morning of the 24th and have him until Sunday morning the 30th.
I would get him from the 30th until about Noon of the 5th.
You would then have him around Noon on the 5th and take him to school on the morning of the 7th...
So Amy:
December - 22, 23, 30, 31
January 1, 2, 3, 4
with pick up in the early AM on the 24th and 30th and Noon on the 5th
So Todd:
December - 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29
January 5, 6, 7
with pick up in early AM on 24th and 30th and Noon on 5th
Please let me know as soon as you can.
Sorry if this is a bit jumbled - trying to get this typed up prior to heading to a funeral...
Amy
Email 12:
Amy,
As you will clearly note... We were in the middle of discussing the sale of the house and you sent me an email concerning visitation. I replied to you and requested that you keep our discussion on one topic.
What makes you think that I even took the time to read your email? I did not address anything in your email. I did not comment on anything you had to say. I got through the first sentence and quit reading when I realized that it was completely off-topic from what we were discussing at the time and I quickly hit reply and told you that I was expecting to keep the topic of discussion on the house.
As far as I know the email that you quoted below could have simply been manufactured by you here today. I’ve never read any more than the first sentence before. You could have just made the rest of it up today.
I will be happy to have Adam on the week of the 10th. I will plan for it.
FYI: If you are unwilling to honor the schedule that we defined in mediation, then I am going to have to request that we go back to our original visitation schedule where I have him on the weekends from Friday afternoon through Monday morning, and you have him the remainder of the time. The only reason I agreed to give up one weekend a month was because I would be getting that time back at other times throughout the year. One of the two weeks during Christmas break was part of that time.
Email Insanity (Part 3)....
Email 13:
Todd,
Again; as I have stated before - I will get back to you about what the Christmas break schedule will be next week.
I will be speaking with my lawyer about this issue when he returns to the office next week.
-Amy
Email 14:
Amy,
As far as I’m concerned, if you are unwilling to split up the weekdays of Adam’s Christmas break as we had agreed to, then I will simply maintain my weekend visitation.
Additionally, since you are obviously not willing to work with me on the visitation schedule that we agreed to during mediation, then I’m going to have to request that we revert to the visitation schedule that we had been using prior to visitation, where I have Adam every weekend. We will continue that until you can work things out with your lawyer. I don’t have time to bicker with you about it.
-Todd
Email 15:
Todd,
As I stated - I will get back to you next week as to what the Christmas break schedule will be next week.
Whether you like it or not we still do not have a visitation schedule that has been decided to. So if we are going to revert to anything it will be the every other weekend that we were doing with the evening times during the week that started in August prior to the mediation.
Todd,
Again; as I have stated before - I will get back to you about what the Christmas break schedule will be next week.
I will be speaking with my lawyer about this issue when he returns to the office next week.
-Amy
Email 14:
Amy,
As far as I’m concerned, if you are unwilling to split up the weekdays of Adam’s Christmas break as we had agreed to, then I will simply maintain my weekend visitation.
Additionally, since you are obviously not willing to work with me on the visitation schedule that we agreed to during mediation, then I’m going to have to request that we revert to the visitation schedule that we had been using prior to visitation, where I have Adam every weekend. We will continue that until you can work things out with your lawyer. I don’t have time to bicker with you about it.
-Todd
Email 15:
Todd,
As I stated - I will get back to you next week as to what the Christmas break schedule will be next week.
Whether you like it or not we still do not have a visitation schedule that has been decided to. So if we are going to revert to anything it will be the every other weekend that we were doing with the evening times during the week that started in August prior to the mediation.
Christmas...
Ahhh it is getting to be time for the Christmas season...
It has been a very stressful week for me. I have been dealing with Todd and his insanity. I am doing my best to be fair and give him what he wants but it just isn't going to happen.
I am being fair but it isn't going to be what he wants and to be honest - I am at the point of not caring. I tried to get in touch with him and work with him all the way back in October and he refused to do so. That isn't my fault and I am not going to feel bad about it anymore.
At first I was feeling guilty about it but not anymore. He made his choices and now because of them - he isn't going to have Adam for his whole family Christmas. The schedule is fair to Adam because it splits his time 50/50 between Todd and myself.
All I can ask is that people pray because this visitation stuff is getting more and more mucked up. He is never happy with what is offered and then blames me. I can't deal with it anymore.
I am going to put myself in labor early. I have been having contractions like mad. During the day they are very sporadic but at night - I have them about every 15 minutes or so.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Protection...
Earlier this week when my computer went down I headed to the library. I sent an email to numerous people and one of those people happened to be Todd about the Christmas vacation Adam has coming up.
Mind you I have been trying to communicate with him since the beginning of October about the time Adam has upcoming. Since I sent that email out - numerous emails have been exchanged and the last email I sent was no where near the high road I have been taking.
What do you do when you are going through a divorce and everyone seems to be on the other persons side; even your own attorney?
I have been doing my best to not have Adam hurting throughout this process and to give Todd time with Adam because of his illness. Yet right now I am struggling with what is best for Adam.
Todd has made the claim that things are getting worse for him. He has claimed his arms are going. He has claimed he can't get out of bed some days. There have been many claims from him and some of them are in email - so I do have them.
So my biggest things right now is this - is Adam safe to be with Todd? If it is hard for him to type up an email - why is he driving? If he can't get out of bed every day - how can he take care of Adam?
I do not want to take away the time he sees Adam; especially if his health is going downhill because Adam needs time with his dad. Yet I am truly leaning towards the fact that he has to have supervised visitation. It does not have to be a court appointed person - he just needs to have someone with him at all times when he has Adam; just in case.
Is that so wrong of me?
Is that so wrong of me?
I have to be Adam's advocate since no one else is going to be. I do not have an advocate. You would think my lawyer was mine but really he has not been much help. He feels sorry for Todd as well and because of that and the fact that I can't pay him right now (so who blames him) he seems to be more on the side of do it yourself and let me know how it goes.
I just have to take things a day at a time right now and that is what I am doing. I am trying to not stress over this stuff but it just isn't working all that well. Even after being gone for 15 months he is still controlling me; I just hope he doesn't see it (but he probably does).
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Isabella Update...
This is all I am going to say:
I am having an amniocentesis on
December 10th
If her lungs are developed I am being induced
December 11th
Holidays, Children and Ex's
I have been looking forward to Thanksgiving day this year. I would have both my boys and I was excited to be able to cherish that time with them. I won't have Adam on Christmas Eve or Day this year and that really saddens me. It will be the first time ever I have not have both of my children on a Holiday.
Well that isn't totally true I didn't have Adam last Easter, Mothers Day or Thanksgiving but I got through them because I kind of pretended the days didn't exist. I don't think it will be that easy with Christmas though.
Well now lets get back to Thanksgiving. Adam and I are talking about this upcoming weekend. He lets me know that Todd will be picking him up early Friday morning. I told him no I am not giving up my time with you just because it is a holiday weekend Adam. He started to huff and puff and I said plus your dad has not called to discuss this with me and he needs to if he feels he is picking you up at a much earlier time.
It went into him telling me you have me all week long and dad doesn't get any time with me - when you do have me all you do is make dinner, make me clean and do homework and never spend time with me or you are on the phone and we never do anything - oh and he doesn't want to live with me anymore because we never have money.
Talk about a heartbreaking morning. Knowing your child doesn't want to be with you.
He walked out of the house without even saying good-bye to me.
So now what? What do I do?
Well that isn't totally true I didn't have Adam last Easter, Mothers Day or Thanksgiving but I got through them because I kind of pretended the days didn't exist. I don't think it will be that easy with Christmas though.
Well now lets get back to Thanksgiving. Adam and I are talking about this upcoming weekend. He lets me know that Todd will be picking him up early Friday morning. I told him no I am not giving up my time with you just because it is a holiday weekend Adam. He started to huff and puff and I said plus your dad has not called to discuss this with me and he needs to if he feels he is picking you up at a much earlier time.
It went into him telling me you have me all week long and dad doesn't get any time with me - when you do have me all you do is make dinner, make me clean and do homework and never spend time with me or you are on the phone and we never do anything - oh and he doesn't want to live with me anymore because we never have money.
Talk about a heartbreaking morning. Knowing your child doesn't want to be with you.
He walked out of the house without even saying good-bye to me.
So now what? What do I do?
Friday, November 16, 2007
Past Couple of Days...
Have been very rough on me. Words have kind of escaped me. I know that all of these things going on are not my fault per say but I have added to them I am sure.
I have been in a huge struggle with myself. What do I do to provide for my boys? What do I do to get my bills paid off?
I have been thinking the past day or so I was just going to go and start to apply for jobs again. Even though I am not supposed to work right now I need the money. Even though no one will hire me because I can't get a work release from a doctor - I feel the need to try. I have a month or less until this little girl is here; why can't I wait? I have made it this long with the struggle.
I guess what upsets me more than anything else is the fact that I am doing it all alone. All I hear from the boys fathers is, "You know I have no problem providing for them I just don't have the money right now." Well how in the heck do you think they are being provided for then? How do you think food is being fed to them? How do you think they are getting clothing to cover their bodies? How do you think they have a roof over their heads? I guess even if you don't have money - you find a way to provide for them because they need to be taken care of!
I can't give them the extras they would like although I am keeping them with full bellies, dry heads, clothed bodies and some toys to play with.
I have to sit by and watch their fathers do all the extras and have all the fun with them. It hurts to see all of this going on. It makes me feel as if they are trying to punish me but in the end all it does is hurt the kids.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Good Mom
What makes someone a good mom? I am in a huge struggle lately with this question.
I know when I was working things were okay here; financially. I know finances don't make or break you as a good parent.
Although things like today have just been so rough on me. I got my disability check today and it is gone. I am back to having $2.04 in my bank account until December 12th when I will once again get another check; pay my bills and be left with $2.04 in my bank account.
Today I had to tell Adam that I would not be able to get him anything for Christmas. He was okay with that really but he still believes in Santa and think Santa will get him something. After the talk we had - I could not go any further because I was about in tears at that point anyway.
Kyle has a project for science that is due next week. The problem is to construct a package containing a raw egg so that the package may fall from the desired height without breaking the egg. I have $2.04 and all the things he wants to use to construct this are just not feasible.
So what makes a good mom? Someone who can provide for her children in all ways? I right now am failing at that. I am not providing for my children in all ways. I have enough money each month to be able to pay our bills and that is it. I provide a roof over their heads.
I know that I should not struggle so much with this because it isn't me who is the only one who is failing the boys. Neither of the fathers are paying for anything. I get zero for child support at this point in time.
Yet to be the one who is always saying, "That isn't in the budget. We can't do that." is very tiring when the father is taking them to movies, out to dinner, dirt biking and well you get the picture. At 8 and 14 the boys should have nothing to worry about and yet they do.
Today has been such a rough day for me emotionally. I can't wait for it to be over.
Oh and on another note - I had to contact SSA yesterday and found out the boys were denied. So now I just sit here and wait for the denial letter to come in the mail. I had an issue with my social security card and they needed to resend it to me but I needed to call to get it done. While on the phone I asked if she could see a status on the boys claims and she said it looks like it has been denied.
So there is no money there. I can't work right now. We have no money in the bank for anything. My car is about to die. My kids will have nothing for Christmas. I am bringing another child into this world.
What is wrong with me?
Friday, November 9, 2007
Ahhh - Post Happy Today....
Adam, Kyle and Todd at Talladega
Adam, Todd and Kyle at Animal Kingdom Lodge at Disney World
Chip and Adam with whipped cream noses!
Kyle, Pooh and Adam
Kyle, Todd and Adam hunting at the cabin
Adam acting like Chicken Little
Adam with Crazy Hair Day at School
Adam playing flag football.
Adam in his Mohawk phase
Adam with his broken leg. Happened on his 6th birthday.
I found these pictures on Todd's myspace today. So I copied them. I have no pictures from my boys growing up anymore. I mean when I left home - I left home and I left all these memories behind.
I have not forgotten about these things but I don't have an actual picture anymore to be able to look back upon them and talk to the boys about. That is really the only thing I truly miss. My pictures.
I have always been a picture happy person and I miss them! I did copy them to my computer so at least I have these now.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Cupcakes Anyone....
My boys are two very different children. I mean all children have their own personalities and all but these two boys are very different in a lot of ways.
They are also similar in some ways. Of course those things come from me (since they have different dads).
Both of them are very caring about others. My youngest son is very much like me when it comes to the caring about others. He is a true mother hen. I do not know if this is something that one learns from watching others because I don't recall seeing it growing up but I was one growing up. Now with Adam I can see he watched me but I do believe it is just something that is in you.
My Adam has taken to watching after a little girl who is in kindergarten. She does not live in the same building that we do but she does live in this complex. So they ride the same bus together. There have been times when her mom was not home and Adam has stayed outside with her until her mom gets home and she can get into her apartment.
This mom has taken to making Adam cupcakes when he does things like this. It isn't an all the time thing but she lets him know how much she appreciates his caring nature. He never expected anything in return but it was nice to get treated to something (I never make) for doing good.
He has done it many times and she has given him cupcakes a couple of times. He has told her he does not need them but she asks him to take them anyway. I think it is nice of her to do that but it is not needed.
He just has such a big heart. He wants to do right all the time...
Maybe I am doing something right with them...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
