Good Mom

What makes someone a good mom? I am in a huge struggle lately with this question.

I know when I was working things were okay here; financially. I know finances don't make or break you as a good parent.

Although things like today have just been so rough on me. I got my disability check today and it is gone. I am back to having $2.04 in my bank account until December 12th when I will once again get another check; pay my bills and be left with $2.04 in my bank account.

Today I had to tell Adam that I would not be able to get him anything for Christmas. He was okay with that really but he still believes in Santa and think Santa will get him something. After the talk we had - I could not go any further because I was about in tears at that point anyway.

Kyle has a project for science that is due next week. The problem is to construct a package containing a raw egg so that the package may fall from the desired height without breaking the egg. I have $2.04 and all the things he wants to use to construct this are just not feasible.

So what makes a good mom? Someone who can provide for her children in all ways? I right now am failing at that. I am not providing for my children in all ways. I have enough money each month to be able to pay our bills and that is it. I provide a roof over their heads.

I know that I should not struggle so much with this because it isn't me who is the only one who is failing the boys. Neither of the fathers are paying for anything. I get zero for child support at this point in time.

Yet to be the one who is always saying, "That isn't in the budget. We can't do that." is very tiring when the father is taking them to movies, out to dinner, dirt biking and well you get the picture. At 8 and 14 the boys should have nothing to worry about and yet they do.

Today has been such a rough day for me emotionally. I can't wait for it to be over.

Oh and on another note - I had to contact SSA yesterday and found out the boys were denied. So now I just sit here and wait for the denial letter to come in the mail. I had an issue with my social security card and they needed to resend it to me but I needed to call to get it done. While on the phone I asked if she could see a status on the boys claims and she said it looks like it has been denied.

So there is no money there. I can't work right now. We have no money in the bank for anything. My car is about to die. My kids will have nothing for Christmas. I am bringing another child into this world.

What is wrong with me?