Happy Thanksgiving!

Seeing how it is Thanksgiving this blog should be about what I am thankful for. This is going to be a difficult post for me because over the past few days I have been very stressed out and even though I should be thinking about what I am thankful for - it has been more like what I am not so thankful for...

01. I am thankful I have a roof over my head. I have struggled financially for the last 9 months (technically speaking) and yet I have managed to make each and every one of the rent payments that have been due since I have lived here (which is a total of 13 payments now).

02. I am thankful for my oldest son. Even though most days I would like to slap the child he is my son and I love him anyway. It is hard dealing with a child who is 14 and has hormones and is bipolar all at once. Oh lets not forget who also knows at 14 what is best for himself and his life. Gosh I am thankful we both make it through each day!

03. I am thankful for my youngest son. Even though right now he hates (has much anger towards) me because I broke the family up and left Todd to be on his own while he is sick. He is a blessing on most days even when he is mad at me. Reminds me of the love and caring I did teach him to have.

04. I am thankful for this pregnancy and the daughter I am going to have. It has been a rough pregnancy with lots of mishaps. I have really struggled. I am doing my best to not blame myself for everything going on due to the sin of me having this child because she is a blessing no matter how she came about.

05. I am thankful for my friends in real life. I might not have many of them really but those whom are there are really there for me. I lost a lot of my friends over the years because of the controlling nature of the relationship I was in yet one stayed. She has been a blessing; even when I am jealous of her good fortunes.

06. I am thankful for my friends online. God has used them in my life in ways I never knew possible. I would say that most of my friends who are in my life are from online relationships. They have given me much advice and guidance and He has used them as only He would know how to do.

07. I am thankful I am still able to get things done with my big belly. I have been so tired lately and I am feeling like a house. Yet when I have the energy to get things done I am making sure they get done.

08. I am thankful for the loads of laundry that need to be washed. You see it means that I am providing things for my boys. I don't really enjoy laundry but it reminds me as I move past them each day that we are taken care of right now.

09. I am thankful for the giving nature of others. I am not one who enjoys having to ask for help but when I do it seems that the Lord uses those whom He knows will show me that others care.

10. I am thankful for Jack. He was brought into my life about 11 months ago now. He is Isabella's dad. He might not be here all the time but he does give me time. He has helped me to see that not all men are bad. He has helped me to laugh and in turn heal over the past year. He might not understand everything about me but he does love me and he does want to help me.

11. I am thankful for having a camera that works. I love taking pictures and I love my children. So right now I am very thankful that I am able to capture what is going on around us with the camera I have. They might not be the best pictures in the world but they are pictures of us being a family.

12. I am thankful for the help I have received during this pregnancy. Due to me not being able to work and my limited income the medications I have needed for this pregnancy have been hard to come by. Although each time something is needed; even if I am unable to find the way to get it - someone else has been there to help me get the medication that I need.

13. I am thankful for the divorce I am going through. I am not thankful because I am divorcing my husband of 7 years or the man I have been with for the past 10 years. I am thankful that I had the courage to break out of the chains of fear that I was living in; even after leaving him. I am thankful the Lord helped me to find a lawyer and take the steps that were needed to file for divorce to break though those chains. I am thankful that recently (like in the past 4 days) I have seen truly how irrational he is. I am thankful that I have recently seen (like in the last month) how he truly does create his own reality to make things better for himself. It helped me to see that this divorce was needed and is the right thing to be doing.

14. I am thankful for God. I might be struggling with faith at the moment but He has never left my side. I might pull away from Him when things are bad and yet He is still right there waiting for me to return to Him.