What an Update...

Well I have not done an update since November 1st and that wasn't really an update on life. So this is going to be a jumbled post to try and catch up everyone on life.

I am at two non-stress tests (NST's) a week now. I normally go on Monday's and Thursday's. Not a lot of fun to just sit there for 20 minutes. Although I have yet to just sit there for 20 minutes.

The heart rate is supposed to be taken while the baby is awake. Okay well when Isabella is awake (heart rate needs to be over 140) she is moving non-stop. Her heart rate is usually up in the 190's. Well they can't take you off of the monitor if the heart rate is over 180! So I sit forever.

Or then there is the time when she isn't awake and no matter what they do (give me water to drink, buzz and zap Isabella) she wakes for a moment and then back to sleep she goes. So it takes forever.

I must admit it hasn't been that bad yet because I have heard of women sitting for hours and hours for these things and I am usually out of there in a hour - so for that I am grateful! Yet the driving two and from twice a week plus my once a week for the other OB - gas, gas, and more gas! Gets a bit frustrating when you are without a job.

Well to save on gas on November 1st I headed over to the local social security office. I have been getting disability since 2003.

I have bipolar disorder and I have been in a mental health hospital twice now. Not a big deal really but Todd was not supportive and felt that they were my bills and he was not going to help pay them. So I had to look to non-profit organizations to help me pay for it. They would not help because of Todd's income though so they suggested I go to the state.

So I went to the state of Michigan for help. Well since I had a private insurance they assume that you have a disability and won't even process your help for medical assistance until after you have applied for Social Security Disability. So that is what I did. I didn't expect to get it - thought I would get the help from the state. Instead I got approved for disability. Got the approval for Medicaid as well but with a $10000.00 spend down per month. Well if I had that money I would not have needed the help in the first place.

Anyway - I went there because after years and years of calling to see if my children qualified for SI (supplemental income) I finally got an appointment and was told they should qualify. Well I got a letter while I was in the hospital telling me I needed to send them an original birth certificate for Kyle. So I called the 800 number on the sheet of paper I had. Well I asked them if I could just go into the local office to get it taken care of because they could not guarantee they would sent it back to me and I wasn't going to waste $13 to get a new one for him.

I was a bit disappointed though. I went and did the whole interview on the 1st. It was nice to get it over with actually. Although I was disappointed because I found out had I applied for it (SI) for the boys back when I applied - I would have had a back-check for the boys that I could have bought a trailer with. That would have eliminated my monthly expenses by over $400 a month. So because the lady who did the original interview said to me your boys won't qualify for it so do you really want to waste my time and your time - it takes about a hour to do. I said no.

So learn this lesson from me - if you EVER need to apply for anything - make sure you apply for everything when you first apply!

So now here is a glimpse into my weekend... Jack has been around most weekends. He comes over after work/football games on Friday nights. Comes over on Saturday nights and occasional comes over on Sunday nights.

Well this weekend was no different. It just makes me wonder though. I try not to worry or think about it but it does make me wonder what will it be like when Isabella is finally here.

Is he going to come and go like he does now? Is he only going to be here at nights? Is he going to just assume because she lives with me that he can still do what he wants when he wants without talking to me first? Is anything going to really change?

I have told some friends before that things just don't change once a baby is born. Men don't just change because a baby is here. I have seen it before; Todd didn't change. Neither did Keith. Chad hasn't changed. Paul hasn't changed. I mean seriously - I don't see men changing once the babies are here. I wish it did happen but it just doesn't seem to be the case...

I am also having nightmares. I am having dreams that I got into labor early and I can't reach Jack. Of course this is a normal thing but I don't like the feelings I have when I wake up from them. I am having panic attacks... It is the worse feeling in the world. I told him I was feeling like that last night and he said well that's it - I am not going hunting. I told him not to be crazy he was going hunting. I have never gone into labor early unless induced so I am not too worried about it but you know with all that has gone wrong this pregnancy - it is something that might be there as a problem.

Really what else went on this weekend was not much. I spent all day Saturday and Sunday working on the mounds of dirty laundry that has built up in my house.

After being in the hospital and being put on bed-rest - I have been doing a load a day. Yet keep in mind - normally that would be all that I needed to do; a load (or two) a day. Of course though while I was gone - no one did the laundry for me so I have been playing catch up on my laundry.

I am still not finished with it but I am so much closer than I was. I hate laundry. I really do. I love the clean clothing you get afterwards but I hate the washing, drying, folding/hanging and then putting it away.

I guess if I wasn't 33 weeks pregnant it might be a bit easier to bend over to get it taken care of. Unfortunately I am 33 weeks pregnant and Isabella is growing like a weed. Her bottom is up in my ribs now 99% of the time. So most things I do take a bit of extra effort to get accomplished...