Friday, September 7, 2007

Clarity...

So some things have become clear.

1. Not everyone sees the problem with what Todd is asking. Don't get me wrong - it would be great to have some extra income each month BUT what he is asking is unrealistic. $1700 a month is insane. There are 6 bedroom homes on a lake in our town that are only asking for $1250 a month! There is a home on the same street this house is on that is asking $1100 a month and that includes snow removal and lawn maintenance in the summer time. The home on that road also has 1 more bedroom and is brand new on the inside and outside over the past 2 years.

2. He deals with me in a very passive aggressive manor and he does not get to control my life anymore. I do not have to answer to him. I have told him flat out whom I was dealing with and whom he needed to give his figures to. He is not going to be the one to say what we do anymore - the home needs to be sold and it needs to be on both of our terms - not his and his parents terms.

3. I shared this with a bunch of women on another website. They helped me to see how insane all of this is. He is very controlling. He isn't in this reality. He is kind of delusional about a lot of things and that is okay - it is his life and his mental state - not mine.

4. I am actually happy. Okay so depression sucks and I have been very depressed. Yet in the long run - I am not having to answer to Todd. I don't have to tell him where my money goes. I don't have to tell him where I am going. I don't have to talk to him about anything other than Adam. I don't have to tell him whom I am hanging out with. I don't need his permission to stay up. I don't need his permission before buying certain foods. I don't need his permission for ANYTHING! That makes me much happier even with this looming depression than I have been in 10 years!

5. I might be bipolar but I am normal! I have my ups and downs but I am normal. I am a normal bipolar person...

There is so much more I could write but for now - this is it...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sometimes it is hard to distinguish which behaviors are truly who we are and which ones are our illness. I know. Today I just want to quit teaching forever. Yet, I wonder if it is just the depression talking or if I truly don't have the passion for it anymore. That's why i make no rash decisions...not always sure if my ups and downs are me or an episode ;)

One Scrappy Gal said...

I was going to say that even if he came up with the most brilliant idea of all time...you do NOT want to be tied to him in anyway for any longer than you have to be. Not as landlords... not as anything. Let him answer the realtor and get the ball rolling. The sooner you cut this cancer out of your life...the better. Wish you luck.