Today has been a day of disappointments. It seems like it is one thing after another. I do not even know where to start really. It has just been insane really.
Being Christ-like with a son who does nothing but yell at you is hard. I so often just want to smack him but I don't. I know the thoughts are just as bad but I am just going nuts.
My brother said something to him tonight. I spent 45 minutes or longer trying to help him with ONE math problem and all he did was argue with everything I said. I then started to help him with his science and he would not do it - yelled and yelled and started to argue; so I finally walked away.
Now here I am really to pass out and my brother and sister in law are helping him with his homework. No yelling, no arguing, no problems - it is me. I am the problem. I am the one who has created the problem. I have no idea how to fix it either because when we move they will not be there to help him and we are going to be stuck again with him not doing his school work and him failing because it is me the person he hates.
I am feeling pretty ugly about right now as well. I'm taking on the attitude of what I have been hearing for nine years. I mean it has always been there but today more than normal. I mean I look at myself and I think who is ever going to want this person (even if it is my current husband)? I see the ugliness. I see how fat I am. I see how selfish I am. I see how I don't have options to ever been with a Godly man. I see all negative things.
Are there really guys out there who don't use porn or oogle at women? Are there really men out there who are involved with church and ministry? Are there really guys out there who love and honor their wives like God intended? Are there really men out there who enjoy their wives and talk to them and spend time with them? Are there really guys out there who just want to see their wife and no one else? Do those men really exist?
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