Lay it on the Line...

As of tomorrow I will be 14 weeks pregnant. It isn't my soon to be ex's. I am still married. The guy knows I am still married. I am going through a divorce though (not that it makes much different).

About three months ago I gave up on my marriage. I left almost 10 months ago now but I still kept the hope that he would see what had walked out the door. So yes three months ago - I truly gave up on my marriage. I didn't want it anymore. I wasn't willing to try anymore. I was tired of being the one to do it all. So I gave up.

About three months ago my grandpa also died. I sat in my parents living room watching him and my grandma and seeing the love they have for each other. Wow was that amazing to see. He isn't a full fledged romantic but deep down he was. The letters he used to write to his mom when the two of them were courting blow your mind away. He really was in love. Through the years he would do little things for her just to say I love you. I remember one Valentines day - he gave her a box of Cracker Jacks (If you do not know what cracker jacks are - it is kind of like crunch 'n munch but in a small box with a prize at the bottom of it). What he put into this box was sweet - he had bought her a gold ring - worked with whomever to get the gold ring in the little prize package - in the box. He put it on the table Valentines day morning and said to her, "Happy Valentines Day Lois." She didn't bother opening it and when he came in for lunch it was still sitting on the table so he told her she needed to eat it for lunch. She did and got to the bottom of the box and was feeling the package and she goes, "Skip did you get me a condom? We don't need those anymore." He just laughed and she opened it and saw the ring. Mind you there were probably in their mid-60's at this point. He just loved her so much. The pain in my grandma's eyes watching my grandpa fade off - was very heart wrenching. Yet knowing she loved him so much and had all those years.

I gave up thinking I would ever be as lucky as those who truly find love and have that at the end of their life. I gave up on my marriage. I slept with a man and got pregnant.