I do not enjoy looking in the mirror. It isn't so much what I see but what I hear. Of course I don't have to look in the mirror to hear these things but standing in front of the mirror really does bring it out.
Some of those things I hear are:
*It is no wonder I don't want sex with you have you seen how fat and ugly you are.
*If you leave me no one is every going to put up with you and your insanity.
*You can stop talking now because what you are saying is invalid.
*No one will ever love you if you leave because you want so much.
*You are never satisfied; I spend a full day with you and you want more. You are like a sponge who never fills up.
*You will never amount to anything if you leave me because you can't make it on your own.
*You can't figure anything out on your own.
That is just a fraction of what goes on when I look at myself or start to allow myself to really think.
Every time I think I am getting beyond it something brings it up again. Usually emails from my ex because I am not allowing him to have his way. Then to stop all of it I just give in and give up.
I lose my self-esteem a long time ago. It was well beyond the past 10 years of listening to him. He just added to it and made sure it wasn't coming back.
The past does not have to dictate the future but you need to now how to move through the mine-field to get beyond the debris it left behind.
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"We look into the mirror dimly, but soon it will be face to face."
That is not just a reference to how we will see our Lord, but how we will see ourselves.
You are not any of those things. You may not be perfect, but you are still beautiful in your Father's eyes.
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