One Day at a Time...

One day at a time. That is what I do. That is how I manage. In two days we will have been gone for 10 months. In ten months I do not feel as if I have gotten very far with my life.

We have an apartment. I am doing my best to provide for my boys. I have another baby on the way. I have filed for divorce and pretty much gotten no where with it. I have had to sell all my jewelry to survive. I have lost my job and struggled month to month since that time. I haven't been paying all my bills. My credit has gone from excellent to poor. I have been looking for jobs that I can do from home (found one and was approved but now other things are in the way - like lack of money for the things I need for it - but I am not giving up hope). I have aged about 5 years.

Yesterday was another breaking point for me. I spent a good portion of the day crying. It was a money stressing day for me.

This is how my month goes - I get my disability and I pay my rent, gas, electric, and car insurance. Then the rest of my bills are paid if I get anything from child support for the month. At this point the only child support I am getting is from my oldest sons dad and that is never a consistent thing.

I was fine and making it on my own - paying all my bills and doing just great until February when I got the DVT. Then between my oldest issues and me being gone from work and then being put on bed-rest for the DVT - I lost my job and lost my hope of making it on my own.

Now each month I wonder where money is going to come from. I used to share what I was going through - not for sympathy or anything like that but because keeping it inside was killing me. Now I just keep it all in because everyone tries to tell me how to resolve my current issue and I have already gone through all those things. I have tried all the help I can get and because of my disability I get - I make too much money. It is no wonder this country has as many financial problems as it does - what they expect people to live on is insane (a family of three can make no more than $473 a month - how does a family of ONE live on that?!). So instead of going through and explaining things over and over again - I just keep it all to myself.

My soon-to-be-ex is making things very hard for me. He has decided he is going to take me to court over child support (again). In his words yesterday (mind you I haven't gotten anything from him since being gone), "I have no problem paying child support for (youngest son) but you are NOT to use it for your bills. I have no problem paying as long as I get receipts for what you are spending my money on because your bills have nothing to do with (youngest son)." So not only do I not get paid while I was gone from August to February - I am still not getting paid because he keeps on finding ways to postpone paying.

Does life ever get easy? I just want one day without worry about money and how I am going to keep going...