Differences....

It is probably the lack of sleep I have been getting that makes me over think. Yet at those times things seem to make sense...

Relationships are a tricky thing. Just loving someone does not make it work.

You are allowed to be different, you are allowed to have differences; it is what makes the world go round.

Yet at the same time if your core values, your beliefs are not the same; how can you possible make it work without someone hurting all the time?

My marriage failed. It failed because I changed and he did not. He said he changed but I never saw it. I can't say what was in his heart but when someone changes most see it. You would think the one who loved you would see it.

I am struggling with this now. The person I am in love with - is truly the best thing that has ever walked into my life. He treats me with respect. He helps me on all levels. He really does love me. I just see it.

Yet the one thing I said I would never go without in another relationship - is not there and I don't ever see it being there.

God

I guess I don't even know right now what the thoughts are fully. I know that how I see some things; he does not.

Here is the thing - I am a sinner. I sin daily. At the same time though there are things that have been instilled in me due to my faith and beliefs and so because of that I end up hurt.

Everyone tells me how lucky I am, how great he is, and it goes on. I do believe that because no one has ever treated me like this before.

So what am I even talking about this for; because what happens when I get hurt down the road because I ignore the one thing I said I would never go without in a relationship?

Maybe I am looking to hard into something that will never happen?

I am a sensitive person and I get hurt by things that people do an say (as does everyone). These things though should be hurtful according to the Lord because they should not happen.

At times I think I blow things out of proportion and then when I am praying/meditating I find I am not. Yet for a person who does not have faith or for a person who does not see their faith like I do - I am blowing things up.

I heard that often while married. You would think I would have learned to run when faith does not match and yet I didn't. I allowed myself to fall in love yet again with someone whose faith does not match mine.

So now what?

I have told him before how I feel but I am sure he just does not understand. It is hard to understand something when you don't believe the same thing.

It is hard to change or want to change when you don't believe there needs to be a change.

So who ends up hurt? Right now I guess that would be me...