I have not posted here in a long while now. So long that a lot has gone on but today I was brought here by yesterdays events....
They boys are now in therapy. Well Kyle has been for a while but Adam this is new for him. He seems to do well with it. We have had two sessions and his first one he was a bit apprehensive. Last night though he did well and opened up and talked to him.
Our lives before were kind of a living hell. Not for Adam - he had the perfect life. Mom loved him. Dad loved him. Brother hated him. Okay maybe not so perfect but his life was not like Kyle and mine was.
Adam is scared to be alone with his brother. I am going to rearrange my house this weekend. Isabella is going to somehow be in my room. Adam is going into Isabella's room and Kyle is staying put.
Kyle is a big bully who is great at mental/emotional abuse. He hates his brother - has found a weakness and just needles away at him.
I laid in bed last night just crying. Adam said some things to Tom that scared me. Scared me because it is what I have heard come from Todd's mouth before. Kind of took Todd back but hey not sure he will associate the two.
How do you fix a child whom is so broken from all he has gone through. All I have put him through. All I have let happen to him. I have not been a good mother to him. Now I want to be but at times I am afraid it is to late.
I see Kyle ending up in prison if he keeps on this path. He is abusive in many ways. He is carrying on the cycle that has been done to him.
He has so much wrong with him that no one here can help him. He goes to therapy but the therapist says he does not see much change. He doesn't really talk to him - he is at that age.
What do I as a parent do? I feel helpless. I feel hopeless. I feel like a failure.
Showing posts with label Stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stress. Show all posts
Friday, April 18, 2008
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Why do I Worry?
As the days go by I am beginning to wonder what I was so afraid of.
I spoke to a guy today who I have known since 2001. He is a good guy; he was Todd's companies insurance agent. Having some insurance issues and well - I am doing what I can to get the information I need and now Kevin is helping me.
I guess Todd tried to blame Kevin for the insurance being all screwed up. Kevin told me he told Todd what he needed from him long before the policy was ever up for renewal. Todd never got it to him. Then when he did get it to him finally he expected it to be fixed within a day's time and there was no way Kevin could promise it would be fixed at all. Todd blamed Kevin and Kevin shot back saying how Todd wasn't going to blame him for not getting the paperwork in.
Todd's excuse, "Never got your emails." - "Never got your phone calls." All the same stuff I hear from him! Amazing how Todd's email is always the ONLY email singled out so he doesn't get stuff. The cyber world must be out to get him!
I guess talking to Kevin was needed today. It did not resolve my current issue but it did show me that Todd does not know how to take responsibility for anything in his life. It doesn't make it any better but - at least he is consistent with blaming others!
I spoke to a guy today who I have known since 2001. He is a good guy; he was Todd's companies insurance agent. Having some insurance issues and well - I am doing what I can to get the information I need and now Kevin is helping me.
I guess Todd tried to blame Kevin for the insurance being all screwed up. Kevin told me he told Todd what he needed from him long before the policy was ever up for renewal. Todd never got it to him. Then when he did get it to him finally he expected it to be fixed within a day's time and there was no way Kevin could promise it would be fixed at all. Todd blamed Kevin and Kevin shot back saying how Todd wasn't going to blame him for not getting the paperwork in.
Todd's excuse, "Never got your emails." - "Never got your phone calls." All the same stuff I hear from him! Amazing how Todd's email is always the ONLY email singled out so he doesn't get stuff. The cyber world must be out to get him!
I guess talking to Kevin was needed today. It did not resolve my current issue but it did show me that Todd does not know how to take responsibility for anything in his life. It doesn't make it any better but - at least he is consistent with blaming others!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
It is Snowing...
I look out my window right now and it is snowing. We have had a brief covering of snow once already this year but I am pretty sure this time - it is going to cover the green grass that was left outside my window.
I sent my youngest to school today in tennis shoes and with no snow-pants. What a great mom I am. Although in my defense - when he left - it was not snowing and it was supposed to rain today because it was supposed to be in the 40's. So even though I should have just known - considering the state I live in - I didn't take anything into consideration... So he is probably freezing and wet! At least he wore gloves and a hat!
Now why is it that when I do something nice for someone - it seems to come back and bite me? Not that this is really all that big of a deal but to me it is. When my friend had her baby I let her use the bassinette that was given to me. Along with that I let her have the two pink sheets and a white sheet that were given to me. Not a big deal to keep track of I would think. Yet I just got the bassinette back and it has one pink sheet and one white sheet. What happened to the other sheet? I asked and she said she swears she gave it to me. Which means she isn't really going to look for it. I know it is only a sheet but when you have zero extra dollars each month to spend on things - that extra sheet does mean something...
Also I am struggling with some jealous issues. I am not sure how to work through these but I have to figure out a way. I will get into them maybe tomorrow...
I am also struggling with the whole Christmas break thing and just dealing with Todd. It would be one of the reasons I switched the URL on my blog at this point in time.
I am tired and not ready for Isabella to be here. Yet she is going to be here in less than two weeks now... I am having daily headaches and daily exhaustion.
So please just give me grace right now!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Mediation Wording...
Before everyone makes comments about the whole email insanity that has been going on here is the exact wording in the mediation/visitation agreement regarding Christmas/Christmas Vacation.
Christmas: Amy and Todd will accommodate each others extended family holiday celebration schedule. Additionally, Christmas Day will be considered Christmas Eve, December 24, overnight until Christmas Day, December 25, as one holiday, and the parties will alternate that holiday. Todd will have 2007 and odd years thereafter, and Amy will have 2008 and even years thereafter.Christmas Vacation: The parties will evenly divide the Christmas vacation. The parties have agreed to not have
specific times for the holiday schedule but to work those schedules out.
So there are somethings left out - like my conversation with my lawyer (for the emails) but overall - you get the idea...
Email Insanity (Part 1)....
Email 1:
Todd,
I tried to reach you via phone this morning but did not have any luck.
There are a few things I needed to talk to you about so I am just going to send them in this email. I do not have a computer at this time. It died on me again yesterday morning and right now I am at the library sending this out.
December 4th is Adam Christmas Concert. I do not have a time yet for it though. I am going to guess it is somewhere around 7 PM but am not completely sure. As soon as it comes home I will let you know the time.
December 9th is my dad's Christmas party and I want to know if it is okay if I pick Adam up around 11 that day and take him to the movie with the rest of the family. Also I would bring him back as soon as the movie is over. Please let me know ASAP because my dad has to put in the request for the tickets in the next day or so.
December 22nd and 23rd are the family Christmas parties (Wetzel and my immediate family). So instead of you picking up Adam from school on the 21st you will pick him up the morning of the 24th.
We still need to work out the details for the Christmas break as well and I would like to get that done as soon as possible.
Also this date is not set in stone but I will know better next week on the 26th. The doctors have been talking about inducing me on the 11th of December. I want to make sure that it is okay for Adam to stay with you while I am in the hospital having her. Obviously I could go into the hospital prior if there are more complications but I want to get that set up with you as soon as I can. If it isn't going to be okay then I will just have him go where Kyle is going; which is fine but I thought you might like some extra time with him.
Unless you are able to get back to me in the next 40 minutes - I will not get the response to your email until tomorrow (the 20th).
Thank you,
Amy
Email 2:
Amy,
Sorry you couldn’t get a hold of me on the phone. It’s probably better to put this in writing so we can discuss each one separately anyway. I will reply to your email inline below... (edited by Amy to add - *** indicate his response)
Todd,
I tried to reach you via phone this morning but did not have any luck.
There are a few things I needed to talk to you about so I am just going to send them in this email. I do not have a computer at this time. It died on me again yesterday morning and right now I am at the library sending this out.
December 4th is Adam Christmas Concert. I do not have a time yet for it though. I am going to guess it is somewhere around 7 PM but am not completely sure. As soon as it comes home I will let you know the time.
*** Thank you for that information.
December 9th is my dad's Christmas party and I want to know if it is okay if I pick Adam up around 11 that day and take him to the movie with the rest of the family. Also I would bring him back as soon as the movie is over. Please let me know ASAP because my dad has to put in the request for the tickets in the next day or so.
*** December 7th, 8th, and 9th is the first full weekend of December. So as far as I know, you would have had him that weekend anyway. So I don’t suppose there will be an issue.
December 22nd and 23rd are the family Christmas parties (Wetzel and my immediate family). So instead of you picking up Adam from school on the 21st you will pick him up the morning of the 24th.
*** The Powers Family Christmas was scheduled for December 22nd, because that was a weekend that I was going to have Adam. My mother had expected us to come up on the 22nd, and then stay over for the 23rd to have our individual family Christmas that day. I don’t want Adam to miss Christmas with either of our families. As a compromise, I can probably convince her to have our family Christmas on the 21st instead, so I can have Adam back to you by the evening of the 22nd, so he can participate in your immediate family Christmas. I just need to know that you will let me have him on the afternoon of the 20th, so we can go up to my parents that evening.
We still need to work out the details for the Christmas break as well and I would like to get that done as soon as possible.
*** Well, Christmas is my holiday this year. The schedule that was defined, indicated that I would have him from Friday, the 21st through the morning of December 31st, with the exception that he would come over to your house on the 25th for your immediate family Christmas. He would be with you for New Years, and the remainder of his Christmas break. However, since you are going to need Adam on the weekend of the 23rd, we may need to trade a day. Let me know what day you want to trade.
Also this date is not set in stone but I will know better next week on the 26th. The doctors have been talking about inducing me on the 11th of December. I want to make sure that it is okay for Adam to stay with you while I am in the hospital having her. Obviously I could go into the hospital prior if there are more complications but I want to get that set up with you as soon as I can. If it isn't going to be okay then I will just have him go where Kyle is going; which is fine but I thought you might like some extra time with him.
*** As far as I know, that will be okay. You have him the weekend of the 7th, 8th, and 9th, which means I would have him on the 10th anyway. I can just keep him for the week if that would be more convenient for you.
Unless you are able to get back to me in the next 40 minutes - I will not get the response to your email until tomorrow (the 20th).
Thank you,
Amy
Email 3:
Todd,
I am not going to reply section by section but I am going to address some of the issues...
While we were in mediation we agreed to split Christmas break evenly. You also agreed to work with me regarding my family holiday times; with it being said that the Wetzels are now celebrating Christmas the Saturday PRIOR to Christmas. I recall you saying something about what if Christmas Eve falls on Saturday and Christmas falls on Sunday and being told that if it was your holiday that year - you would triumph working with the family Christmas on my side. So you were aware of when the Christmas would be on August 22nd this year.
Then again on October 6th I sent you an email regarding the Christmas holiday's with a proposed schedule and the dates that I would be needing Adam for the Christmas season. You replied on October 9th with you not having time to discuss it due to you seeking out homes and so on. Then you also let me know that you sent a proposed visitation schedule. So you go from telling me you have no time to discuss what I sent you to I need to find time to discuss what you sent me.
Then I sent you another email on November 19th. I get your response on the November 20th with things that are just not acceptable. You were more than aware of the time frames I would be needing Adam. You have Adam Christmas Eve and Day this year. I can not help if your mom was planning on you being there - you should have told her back in August and then again in October that you would not have Adam the weekend prior to Christmas.
There has not been a defined schedule for when you will have Adam. I have been trying to get your to define with me a schedule since October 6th and you refused to do so. So I am not sure where you get that the "defined" schedule is for you to have Adam from the 21st until the 31st. I sent nothing to you that was even close to that. Even if that is what you sent to your lawyer - I have never agreed with you for that to be the schedule.
I have been more than willing to work with you on this schedule but you have not been all to willing to work with me as you eluded to in your email from October.
At this point in time we are going to go with a schedule similar to the first one I sent you. I have enclosed it below so you can work out your family holidays with it in front of you.
Amy:
December - 22, 23, 29, 30, 31
January 1, 2, 3, 4
with pick up in the early AM on the 24th and 29th and Noon on the 5th
Todd:
December - 24, 25, 26, 27, 28
January 5, 6, 7
with pick up in early AM on 24th and 29th and Noon on 5th
I still do not have the time for Adam's Christmas Concert.
I do need to know if you would be able to get Adam to school the morning of December 10th. I would drop him off at about 7:20 in the morning. I have an appointment that I need to be to by 8 that morning. Then if all goes well with that appointment they will be inducing me on the 11th and Adam would need to stay with you for the time I am in the hospital. I won't know for sure though about the 11th until later in the day on the 10th but I will be sure to tell you as soon as I can.
If you have any questions please let me know.
Amy
Email 4:
Amy,
The defined schedule was sent to your lawyer over two months ago. Your lawyer requested that of me and I complied with his request. I wanted to work on a schedule with you, but was told that was not an option and I just needed to provide a schedule, laying out all of the days of the year. Check with your lawyer regarding that. He has the schedule, whether or not he has shared it with you.
The schedule that you provided is not a “split” schedule for Christmas break, as we had agreed to in mediation. We are supposed to split the holiday evenly. The schedule you provided only gives me two days. That is not what we agreed to.
The weekend of the 22nd is my weekend. I was offering to split that up for you so that Adam could participate in both Christmases. You can’t possibly demand that I give up my weekend. If you are going to do that, then I guess I won’t offer to split the weekend with you at all.On the other hand, if you want to work with me, we can come up with a schedule that will work for both of us. You’ll have to talk with your family and see if you can move the immediate family Christmas around so that Adam can be there. Since it is only you and your brothers and sisters, that is obviously more flexible than expecting me to get the entire Powers family to move their date.
If you want to work with me on this, I will be happy to. But I’m not going to sit here and take orders from you.
Adam’s Christmas holiday is to be split 50/50 between you and I.
The weekend of the 22nd and 23rd is my weekend. If you want Adam on the 23rd, that is fine, but I will need to pick him up after school on Thursday the 20th in return, so that we can get up to my parents and celebrate Christmas with them on the 21st.
I’m offering to compromise. I’m sorry if it doesn’t match your plans exactly, but it doesn’t match my family’s plans exactly either. We’re BOTH going to have to budge a little bit here.
-Todd
Email 5:
Todd,
Just because my lawyer asked for what you would like defined as a visitation schedule does not mean that it was agreed to. So that does not make what you put on paper set in stone. As for knowing about this - you told me a while ago you sent it and I asked you to send it to me and you have yet to do it. So no I have no clue what was on it.
I am not sure how you figure you only get two of his days with the schedule that I sent to you. Here are the days I put down for you.... December 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, January 5, 6, 7 - that would be more than 2 days.
As for when is your weekends - we have nothing set in stone. We have nothing that has been signed off as a temp order or permanent order for visitation at this point in time.
You have been aware for a long time now about when the holiday for my family was. You have him for both Christmas day and eve; which you have known about since August 22nd. So why your parents would switch the day that they normally do the Powers' Christmas is beyond me (Christmas Eve for the full 10 years we were together) when she knew you would have Adam on those days.
Adam is not missing school. He would miss his holiday parties and other things if you took him on the 20th. It is not an option. He is not missing school for a day when he has a 16 day break!
As for me not working with you - I have been trying to work with you on this issue since October 6th and you have refused.
-Amy
Email 6:
Amy,
I attempted to work with you to come up with a schedule and you told me that there should be “no further communication directly with you”, and that “everything would have to e handled through your lawyer”. So I talked to my lawyer and asked her to get things facilitated. Your lawyer required that I simply define the schedule. That’s what I did. That’s what was agreed to. Whether or not your lawyer shared this information with you or not, is none of my concern. It sounds like you have a communication problem with your lawyer.
Why and whether the Powers family decided to change their typical Christmas celebration day, is really none of your concern. But if you must know, it is because most of my cousins have kids of their own and it is much too difficult for everyone to get all of the kids packed up and back home by Christmas eve. So the family decided to change it this year. If you have a problem with that, you can take it up with the Powers family in general, not me. It is not me that decided on the date.
The schedule that you outlined is not even accurate. I still get Adam on the weekends, like I normally would. The remainder of the week days during Christmas break are supposed to be split between you and I. The schedule that you have outlined includes you having him for both weekends. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to give up my weekends. If you want him the weekend of the 29th and 30th, in place of the first weekend in January, I will be happy to swap those for you, but that would mean that I would have Adam on the 31st. (The Monday after your weekend) Since you are supposed to have him for New Years, that really doesn’t make sense to switch.
Regardless. I have Adam the weekend of the 22nd and 23rd. If you would like to have him on the 23rd, I will need to find another time to have our immediate family Christmas with my Mother, Father, Tim, Ann, Adam, and I. I am willing to find another time for that so that you can have him on the 23rd. However, I doubt that there is any other good option, other than the 21st. (Friday) Neither my brother and Ann, or Adam and I would want to make the trip all the way up there to Hart just for one day. It should coincide with the Powers family Christmas on the 22nd.
I’m trying to be flexible here and work with you. You said you wanted him on Sunday. I don’t have a problem with that, but our Christmas is on Saturday. So I can not trade both days away.
I’m sorry if that is not exactly what you were hoping for, but it is the best that I can offer. Please understand that I am trying to work with you here.
Todd,
I tried to reach you via phone this morning but did not have any luck.
There are a few things I needed to talk to you about so I am just going to send them in this email. I do not have a computer at this time. It died on me again yesterday morning and right now I am at the library sending this out.
December 4th is Adam Christmas Concert. I do not have a time yet for it though. I am going to guess it is somewhere around 7 PM but am not completely sure. As soon as it comes home I will let you know the time.
December 9th is my dad's Christmas party and I want to know if it is okay if I pick Adam up around 11 that day and take him to the movie with the rest of the family. Also I would bring him back as soon as the movie is over. Please let me know ASAP because my dad has to put in the request for the tickets in the next day or so.
December 22nd and 23rd are the family Christmas parties (Wetzel and my immediate family). So instead of you picking up Adam from school on the 21st you will pick him up the morning of the 24th.
We still need to work out the details for the Christmas break as well and I would like to get that done as soon as possible.
Also this date is not set in stone but I will know better next week on the 26th. The doctors have been talking about inducing me on the 11th of December. I want to make sure that it is okay for Adam to stay with you while I am in the hospital having her. Obviously I could go into the hospital prior if there are more complications but I want to get that set up with you as soon as I can. If it isn't going to be okay then I will just have him go where Kyle is going; which is fine but I thought you might like some extra time with him.
Unless you are able to get back to me in the next 40 minutes - I will not get the response to your email until tomorrow (the 20th).
Thank you,
Amy
Email 2:
Amy,
Sorry you couldn’t get a hold of me on the phone. It’s probably better to put this in writing so we can discuss each one separately anyway. I will reply to your email inline below... (edited by Amy to add - *** indicate his response)
Todd,
I tried to reach you via phone this morning but did not have any luck.
There are a few things I needed to talk to you about so I am just going to send them in this email. I do not have a computer at this time. It died on me again yesterday morning and right now I am at the library sending this out.
December 4th is Adam Christmas Concert. I do not have a time yet for it though. I am going to guess it is somewhere around 7 PM but am not completely sure. As soon as it comes home I will let you know the time.
*** Thank you for that information.
December 9th is my dad's Christmas party and I want to know if it is okay if I pick Adam up around 11 that day and take him to the movie with the rest of the family. Also I would bring him back as soon as the movie is over. Please let me know ASAP because my dad has to put in the request for the tickets in the next day or so.
*** December 7th, 8th, and 9th is the first full weekend of December. So as far as I know, you would have had him that weekend anyway. So I don’t suppose there will be an issue.
December 22nd and 23rd are the family Christmas parties (Wetzel and my immediate family). So instead of you picking up Adam from school on the 21st you will pick him up the morning of the 24th.
*** The Powers Family Christmas was scheduled for December 22nd, because that was a weekend that I was going to have Adam. My mother had expected us to come up on the 22nd, and then stay over for the 23rd to have our individual family Christmas that day. I don’t want Adam to miss Christmas with either of our families. As a compromise, I can probably convince her to have our family Christmas on the 21st instead, so I can have Adam back to you by the evening of the 22nd, so he can participate in your immediate family Christmas. I just need to know that you will let me have him on the afternoon of the 20th, so we can go up to my parents that evening.
We still need to work out the details for the Christmas break as well and I would like to get that done as soon as possible.
*** Well, Christmas is my holiday this year. The schedule that was defined, indicated that I would have him from Friday, the 21st through the morning of December 31st, with the exception that he would come over to your house on the 25th for your immediate family Christmas. He would be with you for New Years, and the remainder of his Christmas break. However, since you are going to need Adam on the weekend of the 23rd, we may need to trade a day. Let me know what day you want to trade.
Also this date is not set in stone but I will know better next week on the 26th. The doctors have been talking about inducing me on the 11th of December. I want to make sure that it is okay for Adam to stay with you while I am in the hospital having her. Obviously I could go into the hospital prior if there are more complications but I want to get that set up with you as soon as I can. If it isn't going to be okay then I will just have him go where Kyle is going; which is fine but I thought you might like some extra time with him.
*** As far as I know, that will be okay. You have him the weekend of the 7th, 8th, and 9th, which means I would have him on the 10th anyway. I can just keep him for the week if that would be more convenient for you.
Unless you are able to get back to me in the next 40 minutes - I will not get the response to your email until tomorrow (the 20th).
Thank you,
Amy
Email 3:
Todd,
I am not going to reply section by section but I am going to address some of the issues...
While we were in mediation we agreed to split Christmas break evenly. You also agreed to work with me regarding my family holiday times; with it being said that the Wetzels are now celebrating Christmas the Saturday PRIOR to Christmas. I recall you saying something about what if Christmas Eve falls on Saturday and Christmas falls on Sunday and being told that if it was your holiday that year - you would triumph working with the family Christmas on my side. So you were aware of when the Christmas would be on August 22nd this year.
Then again on October 6th I sent you an email regarding the Christmas holiday's with a proposed schedule and the dates that I would be needing Adam for the Christmas season. You replied on October 9th with you not having time to discuss it due to you seeking out homes and so on. Then you also let me know that you sent a proposed visitation schedule. So you go from telling me you have no time to discuss what I sent you to I need to find time to discuss what you sent me.
Then I sent you another email on November 19th. I get your response on the November 20th with things that are just not acceptable. You were more than aware of the time frames I would be needing Adam. You have Adam Christmas Eve and Day this year. I can not help if your mom was planning on you being there - you should have told her back in August and then again in October that you would not have Adam the weekend prior to Christmas.
There has not been a defined schedule for when you will have Adam. I have been trying to get your to define with me a schedule since October 6th and you refused to do so. So I am not sure where you get that the "defined" schedule is for you to have Adam from the 21st until the 31st. I sent nothing to you that was even close to that. Even if that is what you sent to your lawyer - I have never agreed with you for that to be the schedule.
I have been more than willing to work with you on this schedule but you have not been all to willing to work with me as you eluded to in your email from October.
At this point in time we are going to go with a schedule similar to the first one I sent you. I have enclosed it below so you can work out your family holidays with it in front of you.
Amy:
December - 22, 23, 29, 30, 31
January 1, 2, 3, 4
with pick up in the early AM on the 24th and 29th and Noon on the 5th
Todd:
December - 24, 25, 26, 27, 28
January 5, 6, 7
with pick up in early AM on 24th and 29th and Noon on 5th
I still do not have the time for Adam's Christmas Concert.
I do need to know if you would be able to get Adam to school the morning of December 10th. I would drop him off at about 7:20 in the morning. I have an appointment that I need to be to by 8 that morning. Then if all goes well with that appointment they will be inducing me on the 11th and Adam would need to stay with you for the time I am in the hospital. I won't know for sure though about the 11th until later in the day on the 10th but I will be sure to tell you as soon as I can.
If you have any questions please let me know.
Amy
Email 4:
Amy,
The defined schedule was sent to your lawyer over two months ago. Your lawyer requested that of me and I complied with his request. I wanted to work on a schedule with you, but was told that was not an option and I just needed to provide a schedule, laying out all of the days of the year. Check with your lawyer regarding that. He has the schedule, whether or not he has shared it with you.
The schedule that you provided is not a “split” schedule for Christmas break, as we had agreed to in mediation. We are supposed to split the holiday evenly. The schedule you provided only gives me two days. That is not what we agreed to.
The weekend of the 22nd is my weekend. I was offering to split that up for you so that Adam could participate in both Christmases. You can’t possibly demand that I give up my weekend. If you are going to do that, then I guess I won’t offer to split the weekend with you at all.On the other hand, if you want to work with me, we can come up with a schedule that will work for both of us. You’ll have to talk with your family and see if you can move the immediate family Christmas around so that Adam can be there. Since it is only you and your brothers and sisters, that is obviously more flexible than expecting me to get the entire Powers family to move their date.
If you want to work with me on this, I will be happy to. But I’m not going to sit here and take orders from you.
Adam’s Christmas holiday is to be split 50/50 between you and I.
The weekend of the 22nd and 23rd is my weekend. If you want Adam on the 23rd, that is fine, but I will need to pick him up after school on Thursday the 20th in return, so that we can get up to my parents and celebrate Christmas with them on the 21st.
I’m offering to compromise. I’m sorry if it doesn’t match your plans exactly, but it doesn’t match my family’s plans exactly either. We’re BOTH going to have to budge a little bit here.
-Todd
Email 5:
Todd,
Just because my lawyer asked for what you would like defined as a visitation schedule does not mean that it was agreed to. So that does not make what you put on paper set in stone. As for knowing about this - you told me a while ago you sent it and I asked you to send it to me and you have yet to do it. So no I have no clue what was on it.
I am not sure how you figure you only get two of his days with the schedule that I sent to you. Here are the days I put down for you.... December 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, January 5, 6, 7 - that would be more than 2 days.
As for when is your weekends - we have nothing set in stone. We have nothing that has been signed off as a temp order or permanent order for visitation at this point in time.
You have been aware for a long time now about when the holiday for my family was. You have him for both Christmas day and eve; which you have known about since August 22nd. So why your parents would switch the day that they normally do the Powers' Christmas is beyond me (Christmas Eve for the full 10 years we were together) when she knew you would have Adam on those days.
Adam is not missing school. He would miss his holiday parties and other things if you took him on the 20th. It is not an option. He is not missing school for a day when he has a 16 day break!
As for me not working with you - I have been trying to work with you on this issue since October 6th and you have refused.
-Amy
Email 6:
Amy,
I attempted to work with you to come up with a schedule and you told me that there should be “no further communication directly with you”, and that “everything would have to e handled through your lawyer”. So I talked to my lawyer and asked her to get things facilitated. Your lawyer required that I simply define the schedule. That’s what I did. That’s what was agreed to. Whether or not your lawyer shared this information with you or not, is none of my concern. It sounds like you have a communication problem with your lawyer.
Why and whether the Powers family decided to change their typical Christmas celebration day, is really none of your concern. But if you must know, it is because most of my cousins have kids of their own and it is much too difficult for everyone to get all of the kids packed up and back home by Christmas eve. So the family decided to change it this year. If you have a problem with that, you can take it up with the Powers family in general, not me. It is not me that decided on the date.
The schedule that you outlined is not even accurate. I still get Adam on the weekends, like I normally would. The remainder of the week days during Christmas break are supposed to be split between you and I. The schedule that you have outlined includes you having him for both weekends. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to give up my weekends. If you want him the weekend of the 29th and 30th, in place of the first weekend in January, I will be happy to swap those for you, but that would mean that I would have Adam on the 31st. (The Monday after your weekend) Since you are supposed to have him for New Years, that really doesn’t make sense to switch.
Regardless. I have Adam the weekend of the 22nd and 23rd. If you would like to have him on the 23rd, I will need to find another time to have our immediate family Christmas with my Mother, Father, Tim, Ann, Adam, and I. I am willing to find another time for that so that you can have him on the 23rd. However, I doubt that there is any other good option, other than the 21st. (Friday) Neither my brother and Ann, or Adam and I would want to make the trip all the way up there to Hart just for one day. It should coincide with the Powers family Christmas on the 22nd.
I’m trying to be flexible here and work with you. You said you wanted him on Sunday. I don’t have a problem with that, but our Christmas is on Saturday. So I can not trade both days away.
I’m sorry if that is not exactly what you were hoping for, but it is the best that I can offer. Please understand that I am trying to work with you here.
Email Insanity (Part 2)....
Email 7:
Todd,
If you are going to quote me - it would do you well to quote what was actually written. The email was from October 10th and the whole email was in regards to the sale of the house. I ended it with this paragraph, "As far as dealing with this divorce ourselves. I am done. From this point on - unless it has to do with Adam directly - point all issues to your lawyer and your lawyer will get in touch with mine; whom will then contact me." If you notice it is very specific that unless it has to do with Adam directly; which the visitation would be; to use the lawyers.
Do not tell me you attempted to work out a visitation schedule with me because it was in those emails you told me that this was the least of your concern and you would only deal with one issue at a time and that issue at that point in time was the sale of the house.
Please contact me after you have had your meeting with your lawyer in December and then we will discuss the visitation at that point.
Amy
Email 8:
Amy,
I don’t take the time to remember every word that you said to me. You’re not worth my time. The only think I remembered is that you hung up on me, saying that everything needed to go through your lawyer. So that’s what I did. Apparently that was the best decision anyway, because you are obviously NOT willing to compromise on any visitation arrangements.
I’m not sure what you are referring to in regards to a meeting with my lawyer in December. I do not have anything scheduled with her at that time.
I’m going to assume by your short email, that you are no longer interested in coming to a compromise concerning Adam’s Christmas break. I was more than willing to discuss you having Adam on the 23rd, as I do not want him to miss out on your family’s Christmas. That is obviously still an option if you want to discuss it.
-Todd
Email 9:
Todd,
I never told you to go through the lawyers and then hung up on you. I have done 99% of the communication with you via email since August.
You need to understand that having Adam on weekends do not mean more than my weeks. Christmas vacation is to be split evenly - and that does mean you will be giving up what has been going on; the weekends during the break he has. Do not tell me I am the one who is unwilling to compromise. You are saying to me that your time is still yours and you are not giving them up but the time I would normally have Adam I have to share. You are being very irrational over what equally split means. If you are unwilling to give up your time then I will consider just keeping the regular schedule. You would have him from 4 PM on the 21st until 8 AM on the 24th and then 4 PM on the 28th until 8 AM on the 31st. Then once school resumes you would pick him up for your overnight at 4 PM on the 7th until 8 AM on the 8th.
Todd you have been aware of when my families Christmas was going to be since our mediation in August. If you decided not to share that with your family - to be perfectly honest - it isn't my fault or problem.
Just because my lawyer asked you to submit what you wanted for visitation does not mean that is what was agreed upon. Nothing has been set in stone. As a matter of fact at this point in time there is no temporary or permanent order in place for visitation with Adam between us. We went through mediation and I have been following that but since you still don't agree to what was decided upon while we were there I am wondering why I am following that at all.
Well your lawyer let mine know she needed to meet with your mom in December to go over what went on in court in order to decide the next steps that needed to be taken (or something along those lines). I kind of got the idea that you would be involved with that process since it is you and I going through the divorce and not your mom and I.
After I have had time to sort through what is going on with all of this - I will get back to you. It probably won't be until next week though because of the holiday and not getting a response from Ken until he is back in the office.
-Amy
Todd,
On another note - I still do not know if you are willing to have me drop Adam off early on the morning of the 10th or not - you have not answered that for me. Also the week of the 11th if I am to be induced I need to know for sure if you are willing to have him there. I have to have this set so I know where each of the boys are going and when. I have started to work on other arraignments because your response was more like you are doing me a favor than you really wanting him there. So please let me know.
-Amy
Email 10:
Amy,
In mediation, you agreed to split the holiday vacation IN ADDITION TO our normal visitation schedule. It sounds to me as if you were not totally aware of exactly what we were talking about in mediation. Perhaps you should have conferred with your lawyer if you were confused. If you are now not willing to split the Christmas vacation with me, as you agreed to in mediation, then I will go ahead and take Adam on my normal weekends, in addition to Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, which are mine this year. I will pick him up on the 21st, and drop him back off on the morning of the 26th.
Since New Years is yours, and that is Monday night/Tuesday morning, then you will have Adam then anyway. Perhaps you and he can celebrate together the 1-year anniversary of the day you gave up on our marriage.
You will also have him on the first weekend of January (4,5,6), so I will pick him up on the 7th for my normal Monday.
Since you are unwilling to split the Christmas vacation time with me, then I expect to make that time up at some other time during the year. I will let you know in advance when there are approximately 5 days that I would like to have Adam.
Contrary to your belief, I have NOT been aware of your family Christmas schedule until the email that you just sent me this week. You MENTIONED in mediation that your family was going to do something prior to the actual Christmas holiday, but you also said that you weren’t sure of what was going on and that you would let me know. At the time, you indicated that it would probably be a SUNDAY, but you did not say whether it was going to be 1 week prior, 2 weeks prior, or anything certain at all. I’m not going to plan my schedule based on guesses and maybes. As far as I was concerned, I was waiting for you to figure out exactly what was going on.
I’m sorry that you waited so long, but that’s not really my problem. I tried to be nice and work with you to come up with a schedule that worked for both of us, but you are unwilling to do anything other than EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT. I was willing to compromise and work with you. You were only willing to DEMAND your schedule and would not budge.
For the record, I am still willing to come up with a compromise with you if you are still interested in having Adam with you and your family on Christmas. I do not want him to miss out on that.
As far as my lawyer meeting with my mother, I’m not sure where that information would have even come from. There is no meeting with my mother as far as I am aware. I’m not sure why there even would be.
I’m pretty sure I already answered your question about the 10th, 11th, etc... My answer was as follows:
*** As far as I know, that will be okay. You have him the weekend of the 7th, 8th, and 9th, which means I would have him on the 10 th anyway. I can just keep him for the week if that would be more convenient for you.
Of course I want him here. Why would you ever consider that I wouldn’t want him here? You know better than that. I am always happy to have Adam with me, regardless of the time or place. Ever since you left, I have done nothing but rearrange my schedule whenever I have had the chance to have Adam with me. I have put everything else in my life on hold in order to spend time with him. For you to even suggest that I wouldn’t want him here is just ignorant.
Email 11:
Todd,
Again I will get back to you about what the Christmas break schedule will be next week. I will be speaking with my lawyer about this issue when he returns to the office.
Just to confirm I will be dropping Adam off around 7:20 in the morning on December 10th and as soon as I hear from the doctors I will let you know about the rest of the week.
Plus Todd you have been aware of when my family holidays were to be - here are the emails to refresh your memory.
-Amy
(Email 3)
Todd,
Let me get this straight - before it was we could talk about nothing other than visitation and now it is we can talk about nothing other than the sale of the home?
I really wish you could decide upon what direction you would like to go in and then realize this isn't just about you and what you feel like talking about or doing.
I have let you know numerous time; I have given my numbers to Judy. I do not agree with the number you have given me and I am not going to say that I do. There were numerous things you left out. There is no way to determine what the final price is going to be. If you are not willing to go below a certain amount please get that to Judy with your top and low number. I have told her that I am willing to sell the house for what the market is dictating. It is a buyers market - not a sellers market right now. I personally am aware of that and would just like to get this house sold.
I asked you nicely to let me know about this holiday and you are unwilling to do that; in which was agreed upon in mediation. I have for over the 14 months let you see and take Adam all the time. I asked for financial help from you back in December - 4 months after we had been gone; with you offering nothing in that time for financial help. You told me you would try but would not agree to it. I have at this point only received 3 child support payments from you. I have given you more and more when it comes to the time you have with Adam and you have given nothing. Just so you understand and our lawyers; I am not willing to change the schedule giving you anymore time for visitation.
We have gone through mediation. During mediation we agreed upon a preliminary visitation. Since that time I have been abiding by that schedule. You were also supposed to get the information about your life insurance policy and retirement funds; neither have been done or handed over to my lawyer. We also agreed to sell the house; that is not happening either. You were supposed to get back to me regarding the list of things in the house; that has not happened either. You were also supposed to start paying child support; that has not happened either. So far Todd it is not me who has been difficult - it seems to be that you are the one who is stone walling the divorce process.
I have sat back and allowed you to dictate what we talk about and when. I am letting you know that isn't going to happen anymore.
We need to discuss this Christmas break schedule at this point in time. I have submitted a proposed time frame and asked for your input. Please get back to me like I requested. You are saying you have no time to discuss this schedule but you put plenty of time and thought into your reply to my email; in which had nothing to do with the Christmas schedule.
Amy
(Email 2)
On 10/9/07, Todd wrote:
Amy,
I am in the middle of trying to find a new house, so I can move out of this one and we can put this house on the market. I have been spending countless hours viewing houses and working with realtors. I really don't have the time to start talking about Christmas break.
I am expecting YOU and ME to come to an agreement on the terms of the sale of the house. I have asked you numerous times to discuss this with me, and you have denied me that. When you want to sit down like an adult and work out the details of the house, I am ready.
Until that time, I really don't have the time or energy to be discussing other things. One thing at a time please. Once the terms of the sale of the house are agreed upon, we can start talking about the visitation schedule. I have already submitted a proposed visitation schedule through the lawyers. You should have received a copy of it.
(Email 1)
On Behalf Of Amy PowersSent: Saturday, October 06, 2007 8:00 AMTo: Todd
Subject: Christmas Holiday...
Todd,
I know it is only October but I want to get the Christmas holiday scheduled with you now so that we know what is going on and I can get it on my calendar...
As was stated in mediation the Wetzel family is trying to do Christmas the Saturday prior to actual Christmas. So this year that would be on the 22nd...
Here is my proposal for the holiday:
I have Adam on:
December 22nd and 23rd instead of you picking him up from school on the 21st. That way will have him around for the Wetzel family and then the boys and I can celebrate the morning of the 23rd and my immediate family can do their Christmas with him on the evening of the 23rd.
You would pick him up the morning of the 24th and have him until Sunday morning the 30th.
I would get him from the 30th until about Noon of the 5th.
You would then have him around Noon on the 5th and take him to school on the morning of the 7th...
So Amy:
December - 22, 23, 30, 31
January 1, 2, 3, 4
with pick up in the early AM on the 24th and 30th and Noon on the 5th
So Todd:
December - 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29
January 5, 6, 7
with pick up in early AM on 24th and 30th and Noon on 5th
Please let me know as soon as you can.
Sorry if this is a bit jumbled - trying to get this typed up prior to heading to a funeral...
Amy
Email 12:
Amy,
As you will clearly note... We were in the middle of discussing the sale of the house and you sent me an email concerning visitation. I replied to you and requested that you keep our discussion on one topic.
What makes you think that I even took the time to read your email? I did not address anything in your email. I did not comment on anything you had to say. I got through the first sentence and quit reading when I realized that it was completely off-topic from what we were discussing at the time and I quickly hit reply and told you that I was expecting to keep the topic of discussion on the house.
As far as I know the email that you quoted below could have simply been manufactured by you here today. I’ve never read any more than the first sentence before. You could have just made the rest of it up today.
I will be happy to have Adam on the week of the 10th. I will plan for it.
FYI: If you are unwilling to honor the schedule that we defined in mediation, then I am going to have to request that we go back to our original visitation schedule where I have him on the weekends from Friday afternoon through Monday morning, and you have him the remainder of the time. The only reason I agreed to give up one weekend a month was because I would be getting that time back at other times throughout the year. One of the two weeks during Christmas break was part of that time.
Todd,
If you are going to quote me - it would do you well to quote what was actually written. The email was from October 10th and the whole email was in regards to the sale of the house. I ended it with this paragraph, "As far as dealing with this divorce ourselves. I am done. From this point on - unless it has to do with Adam directly - point all issues to your lawyer and your lawyer will get in touch with mine; whom will then contact me." If you notice it is very specific that unless it has to do with Adam directly; which the visitation would be; to use the lawyers.
Do not tell me you attempted to work out a visitation schedule with me because it was in those emails you told me that this was the least of your concern and you would only deal with one issue at a time and that issue at that point in time was the sale of the house.
Please contact me after you have had your meeting with your lawyer in December and then we will discuss the visitation at that point.
Amy
Email 8:
Amy,
I don’t take the time to remember every word that you said to me. You’re not worth my time. The only think I remembered is that you hung up on me, saying that everything needed to go through your lawyer. So that’s what I did. Apparently that was the best decision anyway, because you are obviously NOT willing to compromise on any visitation arrangements.
I’m not sure what you are referring to in regards to a meeting with my lawyer in December. I do not have anything scheduled with her at that time.
I’m going to assume by your short email, that you are no longer interested in coming to a compromise concerning Adam’s Christmas break. I was more than willing to discuss you having Adam on the 23rd, as I do not want him to miss out on your family’s Christmas. That is obviously still an option if you want to discuss it.
-Todd
Email 9:
Todd,
I never told you to go through the lawyers and then hung up on you. I have done 99% of the communication with you via email since August.
You need to understand that having Adam on weekends do not mean more than my weeks. Christmas vacation is to be split evenly - and that does mean you will be giving up what has been going on; the weekends during the break he has. Do not tell me I am the one who is unwilling to compromise. You are saying to me that your time is still yours and you are not giving them up but the time I would normally have Adam I have to share. You are being very irrational over what equally split means. If you are unwilling to give up your time then I will consider just keeping the regular schedule. You would have him from 4 PM on the 21st until 8 AM on the 24th and then 4 PM on the 28th until 8 AM on the 31st. Then once school resumes you would pick him up for your overnight at 4 PM on the 7th until 8 AM on the 8th.
Todd you have been aware of when my families Christmas was going to be since our mediation in August. If you decided not to share that with your family - to be perfectly honest - it isn't my fault or problem.
Just because my lawyer asked you to submit what you wanted for visitation does not mean that is what was agreed upon. Nothing has been set in stone. As a matter of fact at this point in time there is no temporary or permanent order in place for visitation with Adam between us. We went through mediation and I have been following that but since you still don't agree to what was decided upon while we were there I am wondering why I am following that at all.
Well your lawyer let mine know she needed to meet with your mom in December to go over what went on in court in order to decide the next steps that needed to be taken (or something along those lines). I kind of got the idea that you would be involved with that process since it is you and I going through the divorce and not your mom and I.
After I have had time to sort through what is going on with all of this - I will get back to you. It probably won't be until next week though because of the holiday and not getting a response from Ken until he is back in the office.
-Amy
Todd,
On another note - I still do not know if you are willing to have me drop Adam off early on the morning of the 10th or not - you have not answered that for me. Also the week of the 11th if I am to be induced I need to know for sure if you are willing to have him there. I have to have this set so I know where each of the boys are going and when. I have started to work on other arraignments because your response was more like you are doing me a favor than you really wanting him there. So please let me know.
-Amy
Email 10:
Amy,
In mediation, you agreed to split the holiday vacation IN ADDITION TO our normal visitation schedule. It sounds to me as if you were not totally aware of exactly what we were talking about in mediation. Perhaps you should have conferred with your lawyer if you were confused. If you are now not willing to split the Christmas vacation with me, as you agreed to in mediation, then I will go ahead and take Adam on my normal weekends, in addition to Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, which are mine this year. I will pick him up on the 21st, and drop him back off on the morning of the 26th.
Since New Years is yours, and that is Monday night/Tuesday morning, then you will have Adam then anyway. Perhaps you and he can celebrate together the 1-year anniversary of the day you gave up on our marriage.
You will also have him on the first weekend of January (4,5,6), so I will pick him up on the 7th for my normal Monday.
Since you are unwilling to split the Christmas vacation time with me, then I expect to make that time up at some other time during the year. I will let you know in advance when there are approximately 5 days that I would like to have Adam.
Contrary to your belief, I have NOT been aware of your family Christmas schedule until the email that you just sent me this week. You MENTIONED in mediation that your family was going to do something prior to the actual Christmas holiday, but you also said that you weren’t sure of what was going on and that you would let me know. At the time, you indicated that it would probably be a SUNDAY, but you did not say whether it was going to be 1 week prior, 2 weeks prior, or anything certain at all. I’m not going to plan my schedule based on guesses and maybes. As far as I was concerned, I was waiting for you to figure out exactly what was going on.
I’m sorry that you waited so long, but that’s not really my problem. I tried to be nice and work with you to come up with a schedule that worked for both of us, but you are unwilling to do anything other than EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT. I was willing to compromise and work with you. You were only willing to DEMAND your schedule and would not budge.
For the record, I am still willing to come up with a compromise with you if you are still interested in having Adam with you and your family on Christmas. I do not want him to miss out on that.
As far as my lawyer meeting with my mother, I’m not sure where that information would have even come from. There is no meeting with my mother as far as I am aware. I’m not sure why there even would be.
I’m pretty sure I already answered your question about the 10th, 11th, etc... My answer was as follows:
*** As far as I know, that will be okay. You have him the weekend of the 7th, 8th, and 9th, which means I would have him on the 10 th anyway. I can just keep him for the week if that would be more convenient for you.
Of course I want him here. Why would you ever consider that I wouldn’t want him here? You know better than that. I am always happy to have Adam with me, regardless of the time or place. Ever since you left, I have done nothing but rearrange my schedule whenever I have had the chance to have Adam with me. I have put everything else in my life on hold in order to spend time with him. For you to even suggest that I wouldn’t want him here is just ignorant.
Email 11:
Todd,
Again I will get back to you about what the Christmas break schedule will be next week. I will be speaking with my lawyer about this issue when he returns to the office.
Just to confirm I will be dropping Adam off around 7:20 in the morning on December 10th and as soon as I hear from the doctors I will let you know about the rest of the week.
Plus Todd you have been aware of when my family holidays were to be - here are the emails to refresh your memory.
-Amy
(Email 3)
Todd,
Let me get this straight - before it was we could talk about nothing other than visitation and now it is we can talk about nothing other than the sale of the home?
I really wish you could decide upon what direction you would like to go in and then realize this isn't just about you and what you feel like talking about or doing.
I have let you know numerous time; I have given my numbers to Judy. I do not agree with the number you have given me and I am not going to say that I do. There were numerous things you left out. There is no way to determine what the final price is going to be. If you are not willing to go below a certain amount please get that to Judy with your top and low number. I have told her that I am willing to sell the house for what the market is dictating. It is a buyers market - not a sellers market right now. I personally am aware of that and would just like to get this house sold.
I asked you nicely to let me know about this holiday and you are unwilling to do that; in which was agreed upon in mediation. I have for over the 14 months let you see and take Adam all the time. I asked for financial help from you back in December - 4 months after we had been gone; with you offering nothing in that time for financial help. You told me you would try but would not agree to it. I have at this point only received 3 child support payments from you. I have given you more and more when it comes to the time you have with Adam and you have given nothing. Just so you understand and our lawyers; I am not willing to change the schedule giving you anymore time for visitation.
We have gone through mediation. During mediation we agreed upon a preliminary visitation. Since that time I have been abiding by that schedule. You were also supposed to get the information about your life insurance policy and retirement funds; neither have been done or handed over to my lawyer. We also agreed to sell the house; that is not happening either. You were supposed to get back to me regarding the list of things in the house; that has not happened either. You were also supposed to start paying child support; that has not happened either. So far Todd it is not me who has been difficult - it seems to be that you are the one who is stone walling the divorce process.
I have sat back and allowed you to dictate what we talk about and when. I am letting you know that isn't going to happen anymore.
We need to discuss this Christmas break schedule at this point in time. I have submitted a proposed time frame and asked for your input. Please get back to me like I requested. You are saying you have no time to discuss this schedule but you put plenty of time and thought into your reply to my email; in which had nothing to do with the Christmas schedule.
Amy
(Email 2)
On 10/9/07, Todd wrote:
Amy,
I am in the middle of trying to find a new house, so I can move out of this one and we can put this house on the market. I have been spending countless hours viewing houses and working with realtors. I really don't have the time to start talking about Christmas break.
I am expecting YOU and ME to come to an agreement on the terms of the sale of the house. I have asked you numerous times to discuss this with me, and you have denied me that. When you want to sit down like an adult and work out the details of the house, I am ready.
Until that time, I really don't have the time or energy to be discussing other things. One thing at a time please. Once the terms of the sale of the house are agreed upon, we can start talking about the visitation schedule. I have already submitted a proposed visitation schedule through the lawyers. You should have received a copy of it.
(Email 1)
On Behalf Of Amy PowersSent: Saturday, October 06, 2007 8:00 AMTo: Todd
Subject: Christmas Holiday...
Todd,
I know it is only October but I want to get the Christmas holiday scheduled with you now so that we know what is going on and I can get it on my calendar...
As was stated in mediation the Wetzel family is trying to do Christmas the Saturday prior to actual Christmas. So this year that would be on the 22nd...
Here is my proposal for the holiday:
I have Adam on:
December 22nd and 23rd instead of you picking him up from school on the 21st. That way will have him around for the Wetzel family and then the boys and I can celebrate the morning of the 23rd and my immediate family can do their Christmas with him on the evening of the 23rd.
You would pick him up the morning of the 24th and have him until Sunday morning the 30th.
I would get him from the 30th until about Noon of the 5th.
You would then have him around Noon on the 5th and take him to school on the morning of the 7th...
So Amy:
December - 22, 23, 30, 31
January 1, 2, 3, 4
with pick up in the early AM on the 24th and 30th and Noon on the 5th
So Todd:
December - 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29
January 5, 6, 7
with pick up in early AM on 24th and 30th and Noon on 5th
Please let me know as soon as you can.
Sorry if this is a bit jumbled - trying to get this typed up prior to heading to a funeral...
Amy
Email 12:
Amy,
As you will clearly note... We were in the middle of discussing the sale of the house and you sent me an email concerning visitation. I replied to you and requested that you keep our discussion on one topic.
What makes you think that I even took the time to read your email? I did not address anything in your email. I did not comment on anything you had to say. I got through the first sentence and quit reading when I realized that it was completely off-topic from what we were discussing at the time and I quickly hit reply and told you that I was expecting to keep the topic of discussion on the house.
As far as I know the email that you quoted below could have simply been manufactured by you here today. I’ve never read any more than the first sentence before. You could have just made the rest of it up today.
I will be happy to have Adam on the week of the 10th. I will plan for it.
FYI: If you are unwilling to honor the schedule that we defined in mediation, then I am going to have to request that we go back to our original visitation schedule where I have him on the weekends from Friday afternoon through Monday morning, and you have him the remainder of the time. The only reason I agreed to give up one weekend a month was because I would be getting that time back at other times throughout the year. One of the two weeks during Christmas break was part of that time.
Email Insanity (Part 3)....
Email 13:
Todd,
Again; as I have stated before - I will get back to you about what the Christmas break schedule will be next week.
I will be speaking with my lawyer about this issue when he returns to the office next week.
-Amy
Email 14:
Amy,
As far as I’m concerned, if you are unwilling to split up the weekdays of Adam’s Christmas break as we had agreed to, then I will simply maintain my weekend visitation.
Additionally, since you are obviously not willing to work with me on the visitation schedule that we agreed to during mediation, then I’m going to have to request that we revert to the visitation schedule that we had been using prior to visitation, where I have Adam every weekend. We will continue that until you can work things out with your lawyer. I don’t have time to bicker with you about it.
-Todd
Email 15:
Todd,
As I stated - I will get back to you next week as to what the Christmas break schedule will be next week.
Whether you like it or not we still do not have a visitation schedule that has been decided to. So if we are going to revert to anything it will be the every other weekend that we were doing with the evening times during the week that started in August prior to the mediation.
Todd,
Again; as I have stated before - I will get back to you about what the Christmas break schedule will be next week.
I will be speaking with my lawyer about this issue when he returns to the office next week.
-Amy
Email 14:
Amy,
As far as I’m concerned, if you are unwilling to split up the weekdays of Adam’s Christmas break as we had agreed to, then I will simply maintain my weekend visitation.
Additionally, since you are obviously not willing to work with me on the visitation schedule that we agreed to during mediation, then I’m going to have to request that we revert to the visitation schedule that we had been using prior to visitation, where I have Adam every weekend. We will continue that until you can work things out with your lawyer. I don’t have time to bicker with you about it.
-Todd
Email 15:
Todd,
As I stated - I will get back to you next week as to what the Christmas break schedule will be next week.
Whether you like it or not we still do not have a visitation schedule that has been decided to. So if we are going to revert to anything it will be the every other weekend that we were doing with the evening times during the week that started in August prior to the mediation.
Christmas...
Ahhh it is getting to be time for the Christmas season...
It has been a very stressful week for me. I have been dealing with Todd and his insanity. I am doing my best to be fair and give him what he wants but it just isn't going to happen.
I am being fair but it isn't going to be what he wants and to be honest - I am at the point of not caring. I tried to get in touch with him and work with him all the way back in October and he refused to do so. That isn't my fault and I am not going to feel bad about it anymore.
At first I was feeling guilty about it but not anymore. He made his choices and now because of them - he isn't going to have Adam for his whole family Christmas. The schedule is fair to Adam because it splits his time 50/50 between Todd and myself.
All I can ask is that people pray because this visitation stuff is getting more and more mucked up. He is never happy with what is offered and then blames me. I can't deal with it anymore.
I am going to put myself in labor early. I have been having contractions like mad. During the day they are very sporadic but at night - I have them about every 15 minutes or so.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Good Mom
What makes someone a good mom? I am in a huge struggle lately with this question.
I know when I was working things were okay here; financially. I know finances don't make or break you as a good parent.
Although things like today have just been so rough on me. I got my disability check today and it is gone. I am back to having $2.04 in my bank account until December 12th when I will once again get another check; pay my bills and be left with $2.04 in my bank account.
Today I had to tell Adam that I would not be able to get him anything for Christmas. He was okay with that really but he still believes in Santa and think Santa will get him something. After the talk we had - I could not go any further because I was about in tears at that point anyway.
Kyle has a project for science that is due next week. The problem is to construct a package containing a raw egg so that the package may fall from the desired height without breaking the egg. I have $2.04 and all the things he wants to use to construct this are just not feasible.
So what makes a good mom? Someone who can provide for her children in all ways? I right now am failing at that. I am not providing for my children in all ways. I have enough money each month to be able to pay our bills and that is it. I provide a roof over their heads.
I know that I should not struggle so much with this because it isn't me who is the only one who is failing the boys. Neither of the fathers are paying for anything. I get zero for child support at this point in time.
Yet to be the one who is always saying, "That isn't in the budget. We can't do that." is very tiring when the father is taking them to movies, out to dinner, dirt biking and well you get the picture. At 8 and 14 the boys should have nothing to worry about and yet they do.
Today has been such a rough day for me emotionally. I can't wait for it to be over.
Oh and on another note - I had to contact SSA yesterday and found out the boys were denied. So now I just sit here and wait for the denial letter to come in the mail. I had an issue with my social security card and they needed to resend it to me but I needed to call to get it done. While on the phone I asked if she could see a status on the boys claims and she said it looks like it has been denied.
So there is no money there. I can't work right now. We have no money in the bank for anything. My car is about to die. My kids will have nothing for Christmas. I am bringing another child into this world.
What is wrong with me?
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Computers Suck...
Well as some of you know my computer crashed in June.
When it crashed I took it into Best Buy which is where I bought it from. Not a big deal until they come out and say, "Where is your recovery disk? We can't put anything on your computer without your recovery disk."
Okay now mind you - I am not the smartest computer person in the world BUT I do know some things about computers. I know you need a recovery disk. The problem came when it dawned on me I didn't set my computer up. Never saw anything come up telling me to create a recovery disk - so I never did it. When I asked the person who set my computer up if they created a recovery disk and I was told no - my heart sank.
I had my girlfriend get on HP's website and she tried to enter the information in for me to order a recovery disk. It would not go through. So I called HP then. Well according to them I had a hot computer. The place I bought to computer from never sent verification that this computer had been sold. After going round and round between Best Buy and HP - they finally (HP) were going to send out a disk in August. YEAH for me...
Then I got the disk and it was not the right disk. So I call them back. They have me send it back and then when they get it they will send out a new one. We went through this process 3 times and now we end up here today.
I make a phone call to find out the latest progress on this whole pain in my bottom situation. For the lady to be a bigger pain in my butt.
I am sorry mama but it has been over a year we can't just send you a disk in the mail - you need to be paying for these disks now.
I just started to laugh and got the response of, I am allowed to hang the phone up on you for being inappropriate.
That just made me laugh even harder. I said Lady I have been working on this since June the computer at that point was NOT over a year old.
Then she proceeds to let me know that she can't send a CD recovery disk out to me because there is already a Windows XP Media Center Edition 2006 sticker with a code on the bottom of my computer. What the sam hell are you talking about women?
So once again - I sit and wait - for another manager to call me and for me to start from the beginning again!
Some days computers suck!
Monday, November 12, 2007
Frustration
My life seems to run in circle. I try to not be frustrated with the way things go but it is hard not to be.
I have so many things going on right now that I get overwhelmed with getting anything complete.
I have finally got all the information I need for the application for the Section 8 Housing. Does not mean I will be approved or even make it off the waiting list prior to moving next year. Yet I at least have it filled out and ready to be turned in. Of course they are not open today but still - it is ready for tomorrow.
I called Michigan Department of Human Services to let them know my rent is going up and child support went down. Of course they are closed today as well so I left a message with my case worker. We will see what happens. I just need to know where to send the new and improved information or if I have to fill out a whole new application. I am hoping I can just send a copy of the new rental agreement and not have to fill the whole thing of paperwork out again.
I finally got an email from Keith. This would be Kyle's dad. Now back when I was in the hospital he moved to the Philippians. I sent him a message asking for him information; as in address and phone and had not heard back from him. I finally got a message back today letting me know he is home, living with his mom and dad again and without a job. Well don't rush to contact your son. I mean he is only your son. I guess I just know how to pick the right men to be fathers!
Had to work on filling out paperwork for Adam for his Free/Reduced lunch program. Apparently the state randomly picks so many children from each school district each year to make sure they are telling the truth about their income. So then you have to go through this whole verification process. Well I turned it all in when I filled out the papers; like I do each year. The State happened to pick Adam this year and the school can not find the paperwork I submitted at the beginning of the year. So that means - I have to get it all from each agency AND have it to them by the 15th of this month. I have been trying but don't have the exact stuff they need. So I would like to scream because Adam and Kyle could potentially lose this program because I don't have the proper paperwork to turn in.
What else is there going on that is frustrating. The whole court process. I have a letter I need to send to Friend of the Court about the whole Todd situation. I need to get that in the mail by tomorrow. (please pray my printer has enough ink in it to print it out the right way) I have the letter done but for some reason I am just worried I didn't say enough or said to much. I am not sure to be honest. I have huge concerns with Todd right now. He is saying he wants Adam more than 50% of the time and yet he is claiming at the same time he can't work because of how ill he is. Okay - so why in the heck is he driving with Adam then? If his illness is progress that quickly - how is he caring for Adam? I am worried. Maybe I need to ask for supervised visitations at this point. Maybe that is an over-reaction. I just don't know.
Then there is the SI I applied for with the boys. I know I am probably just over-reacting here but she said if I didn't have a check by the 10th then they are probable denied. Okay so it is a holiday for the government this weekend/today because of Veterans day. Yet it is the 12th and there has been nothing from anyone so far. So I have $2.88 in my bank account, very little food, no gas in the car and a $300 script I need to get next week (or I will probably end up in the hospital again). So because most things do not work the way I hope for - I am going to just call it good and say they didn't get it. That way when the denial letter does come - I don't have so much disappointment.
So there is most of my frustration right now. It does not fully cover it all but I am pretty sure you have a good idea as to what is going on in my life. I keep on saying it has to get better but to be honest - I am not so sure I really believe that at all.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Quarters - Money - Does it Ever End?
Here we are yet another month waiting for my disability check to get here. Not a big deal because when it gets here - it pays the bills and is gone. I have nothing then until the next one comes in.Yet each month it seems like something goes wrong. I was prepared for that this month though.
I have a phone through Vonage and they screwed up and I was charged last month when I should not have been. Put my account negative because I was not expecting it. Well after dealing with them I was told my "free" month would be in November.
Well with how my luck goes - I decided I had best keep the $32.00 in my bank account "just in case" they take it out in November. Oh and glory be - guess what happened - they charged my account. So I was thrilled with myself for keeping the money in the account and preventing me from going negative.
After talking with them this morning - I am going to get two free months instead of the one free month. Although I don't get them until January and February.
Okay - so I decide to get online to check my bank account. I should have had whole $0.26 in my account. Yet when I logged into it and it pulled up my account information - it was a negative $15.60. Oh joy. What in the world is going on now?!
I opened up the account to figure out what is going on. You see two days ago when I reconciled my account everything had cleared. I had nothing outstanding. So why today am I negative? Just shoot me!
I find that there is a pending charge for $15.86. Not sure what it is for since it is pending. Yet I can't afford to have my account negative when it goes through. That will start me off when I do get my check at $948.14 and I would have to sit and figure out what wasn't going to be paid this month. Then it would take me months to make it up.
Not getting child support; even with how little it was from Keith (Kyle's dad) is killing me. I used that money for gas and well now we don't even have he one check a month he was sending. He was a useless piece of crap and yet I know - I was involved with him. Okay enough about that.
So I went into panic mode this morning. You know what I ended up doing. Being a terrible mom. Yup that is right - I stole from my youngest son. He has a state quarters collection and it was enough to put my account positive (along with returning all of my bottles and all of my change). I feel like crap - I stole from my 8 year old son. So now I have to work on replacing all his quarters - which will not be an easy thing to do.
Some days I just wonder how in the world I have survived this long.
Here is the thing - I do know we need money to survive. We all have to have some kind of income to be able to pay our bills, put gas in our vehicles, and sometimes splurge on fun things.I have never though believed money makes you happy. I know it helps make some people happy but I don't want my children to grow up thinking that having possessions are super important and they have to do whatever to get it.
I see that with Kyle. It really makes me sad but then again - it is what my dad does as well (and sometimes my mom). When I left home the whole thing for them was, "What about all your things? What about all the stuff we have bought the boys over the years?"
Well let me think about that a moment - ummm things don't really matter to me and the more you point out all the "things" we left behind the more Kyle gets upset - so knock it off!
My oldest son has many issues and teaching him that things are important is not going to help. I know money does make things easier but it isn't what makes one happy. Yes I am always happier and less stressed when I am not worried about money but I don't have to have a ton of money to make my life great.
You know that each month I live off of $998.00. Not a lot really. It pays for the basic things we need. That is the important thing I believe. Yet in the end how do you get your children to see that is all that is important? That just being with family and having the love of them means more than being able to go and see a movie...
Monday, October 29, 2007
Ghosts....
Okay so it isn't that I believe in ghosts per say but I do believe in my past haunting me. The ghosts from the past creep up into my current relationship. Do I enjoy it - not at all - but it does happen.
This past weekend seemed to be one of those. I tried to just block it all out. I tried to just let it go because at times it is hard for me to tell the difference between what is going on and the true past haunting me.
I find that I write letters to Jack and but never them to him. I am trying to sort things out for me. I am trying to see what is actually going on vs what is from the past creeping into my life.
Well I wrote a letter yesterday. I ended up saving it at the same time I was saving a list of baby items needed. I swapped the titled and did not realize it. I was tired and my head hurt (that is what happens when you sit and cry I guess).
I ended up sending him the letter instead of the baby list. Today I felt mortified. I felt like an ass. I was upset he read it. I cried a lot today. It wasn't that it was a horrible letter but my mouth and feelings tend to be straight forward and the choosing of my words - when writing for myself - is not really done. I mean I am writing it for myself to sort through feelings - I am not doing it for other people to read; so I am not all so careful with what I write.
He wanted to talk about it and I could not do it. I wanted to try but I just could not do it. I tried a little bit but I was not successful. He thinks I am making ant hills into mole hills. To be fair he is probably correct. I tend to worry and over-think and project.
So how do I get away from doing that? How do I get away from doing any of this?
I do not want to let the ghosts from the past run my life anymore. I do not want to give those ghosts a chance at ruining my current relationships.
I do want to find new ways to cope with things. I do want to be able to talk to people in my life without fear of what they will think or say.
I do not want to change my past but I want to be able to move beyond it. I would not be who I am today if it was not for the past things in my life; good or bad...
This past weekend seemed to be one of those. I tried to just block it all out. I tried to just let it go because at times it is hard for me to tell the difference between what is going on and the true past haunting me.
I find that I write letters to Jack and but never them to him. I am trying to sort things out for me. I am trying to see what is actually going on vs what is from the past creeping into my life.
Well I wrote a letter yesterday. I ended up saving it at the same time I was saving a list of baby items needed. I swapped the titled and did not realize it. I was tired and my head hurt (that is what happens when you sit and cry I guess).
I ended up sending him the letter instead of the baby list. Today I felt mortified. I felt like an ass. I was upset he read it. I cried a lot today. It wasn't that it was a horrible letter but my mouth and feelings tend to be straight forward and the choosing of my words - when writing for myself - is not really done. I mean I am writing it for myself to sort through feelings - I am not doing it for other people to read; so I am not all so careful with what I write.
He wanted to talk about it and I could not do it. I wanted to try but I just could not do it. I tried a little bit but I was not successful. He thinks I am making ant hills into mole hills. To be fair he is probably correct. I tend to worry and over-think and project.
So how do I get away from doing that? How do I get away from doing any of this?
I do not want to let the ghosts from the past run my life anymore. I do not want to give those ghosts a chance at ruining my current relationships.
I do want to find new ways to cope with things. I do want to be able to talk to people in my life without fear of what they will think or say.
I do not want to change my past but I want to be able to move beyond it. I would not be who I am today if it was not for the past things in my life; good or bad...
Monday, September 24, 2007
Emotions at a High...
The last few days have been emotional and trying for me. I am a bundle of tears. I can't stand when all I do is cry.
I thought today was going to be better since Sunday was a bit better. Turns out I was wrong.
Went to one of my many doctor appointments for the week (I have one appointment every day this week and two on some of the days). It was my OB check with my regular doctor. I had to tell her I wasn't sure if I was going to be coming back or not due to the insurance issue.
She had me talk to the office manager. The office manager was going to try and get the medicaid for me or at least find out what can be done. She had me call her after I got home to give her the case managers name and number. Not sure she would get anywhere but it is worth a try I guess...
They are both worried about me not having my prescription and not seeing the doctor due to the current risk. I agree but not much I can do about it right now.
I also got an email from Ken today. He decided he was going to file a motion for lack of payment from child support and rent. He has been trying to reach Melanie and she is not responding. He has called and sent emails to her and has heard nothing back from her. It has been a month and two days since our mediation hearing. Todd still has not gotten back to anyone about the life insurance or the retirement fund information.
I was ready to just give up and give in on Saturday. Sunday wasn't much better. Yet here I am today - still kicking.
I just keep so much in because I have no words for what goes on and then everything bad seems to pile on at once. Then I lose it.
I try to take things a day at a time. Actually most days I try and take things a moment at a time. Yet I seem to fail at even that.
I am not feeling like a very good parent right now. I actually am feeling like a failure right now. I can not do fun things with the kids; well at least what they feel is fun. I just struggle because I have nothing but time and love to give them.
Okay so what is wrong with that you ask? Nothing is wrong with that really but on week nights I don't have much time to give them. We work on school work, I make dinner, we eat dinner, I clean up and then it is time for the kids to get ready for bed. So the question really is - do I spend quality time with them or not?
It has just been a rough few days is all....
I thought today was going to be better since Sunday was a bit better. Turns out I was wrong.
Went to one of my many doctor appointments for the week (I have one appointment every day this week and two on some of the days). It was my OB check with my regular doctor. I had to tell her I wasn't sure if I was going to be coming back or not due to the insurance issue.
She had me talk to the office manager. The office manager was going to try and get the medicaid for me or at least find out what can be done. She had me call her after I got home to give her the case managers name and number. Not sure she would get anywhere but it is worth a try I guess...
They are both worried about me not having my prescription and not seeing the doctor due to the current risk. I agree but not much I can do about it right now.
I also got an email from Ken today. He decided he was going to file a motion for lack of payment from child support and rent. He has been trying to reach Melanie and she is not responding. He has called and sent emails to her and has heard nothing back from her. It has been a month and two days since our mediation hearing. Todd still has not gotten back to anyone about the life insurance or the retirement fund information.
I was ready to just give up and give in on Saturday. Sunday wasn't much better. Yet here I am today - still kicking.
I just keep so much in because I have no words for what goes on and then everything bad seems to pile on at once. Then I lose it.
I try to take things a day at a time. Actually most days I try and take things a moment at a time. Yet I seem to fail at even that.
I am not feeling like a very good parent right now. I actually am feeling like a failure right now. I can not do fun things with the kids; well at least what they feel is fun. I just struggle because I have nothing but time and love to give them.
Okay so what is wrong with that you ask? Nothing is wrong with that really but on week nights I don't have much time to give them. We work on school work, I make dinner, we eat dinner, I clean up and then it is time for the kids to get ready for bed. So the question really is - do I spend quality time with them or not?
It has just been a rough few days is all....
Saturday, September 22, 2007
It Just Keeps on Getting Better....
This is what came in the mail today:
A letter from DHS. I had applied for Medicaid because Todd let me know he wasn't paying insurance anymore. I was approved with a $405.00 monthly spend down.
A letter from DHS. The kids are approved but it is going to cost me $15.00 a month per child.
A letter from DHS. My food stamps are gone because after reviewing my income I make to much.
A letter from DHS. They have reviewed everything on my account and due to the income I am supposed to be getting between the disability and child support I qualify for zero help.
I am getting no more than I was 7 months ago. I am 27 weeks pregnant and without insurance. I don't have $405.00 a month to spend on doctor appointments and medication. The medication I take monthly costs $4000.00 roughly for the lovenox.
Here is what I get every month:
$998.00 in disability
Here is what I am supposed to also get:
$267.00 in child support
$544.00 in child support
Here is what I pay out each month:
$640.00 for rent
$33.00 for gas
$71.00 for electric
$96.00 for car insurance
$30.05 for phone
$50.00 for cell
$37.00 for cable/internet
$80.00 for therapy for Kyle
Here is what I don't pay out each month:
All my credit card payments
I am not going to have to pay for my scripts anymore
I don't have any answers anymore. I have been trying to get a job and I can't even get a job at McDonalds because of the weight limitations.
I have not even put everything on here. Cable/Internet, phone and some of Kyle's therapy is going to have to go. Well then again - if I am paying for MiChild for the boys - hopefully they will help with the therapy some.
I won't be going to the doctors anymore after this month is over. I am a high risk pregnancy and can no longer afford care.
Yup I deserve this child...
A letter from DHS. I had applied for Medicaid because Todd let me know he wasn't paying insurance anymore. I was approved with a $405.00 monthly spend down.
A letter from DHS. The kids are approved but it is going to cost me $15.00 a month per child.
A letter from DHS. My food stamps are gone because after reviewing my income I make to much.
A letter from DHS. They have reviewed everything on my account and due to the income I am supposed to be getting between the disability and child support I qualify for zero help.
I am getting no more than I was 7 months ago. I am 27 weeks pregnant and without insurance. I don't have $405.00 a month to spend on doctor appointments and medication. The medication I take monthly costs $4000.00 roughly for the lovenox.
Here is what I get every month:
$998.00 in disability
Here is what I am supposed to also get:
$267.00 in child support
$544.00 in child support
Here is what I pay out each month:
$640.00 for rent
$33.00 for gas
$71.00 for electric
$96.00 for car insurance
$30.05 for phone
$50.00 for cell
$37.00 for cable/internet
$80.00 for therapy for Kyle
Here is what I don't pay out each month:
All my credit card payments
I am not going to have to pay for my scripts anymore
I don't have any answers anymore. I have been trying to get a job and I can't even get a job at McDonalds because of the weight limitations.
I have not even put everything on here. Cable/Internet, phone and some of Kyle's therapy is going to have to go. Well then again - if I am paying for MiChild for the boys - hopefully they will help with the therapy some.
I won't be going to the doctors anymore after this month is over. I am a high risk pregnancy and can no longer afford care.
Yup I deserve this child...
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