A New Update....

It seems as if it has been forever and the new year is just about here. So I am going to load some pictures and let you all see how the family is doing.... Will give a verbal update a bit later!

Love to you all..... Now check out the posts below!

It is Snowing...

I look out my window right now and it is snowing. We have had a brief covering of snow once already this year but I am pretty sure this time - it is going to cover the green grass that was left outside my window.

I sent my youngest to school today in tennis shoes and with no snow-pants. What a great mom I am. Although in my defense - when he left - it was not snowing and it was supposed to rain today because it was supposed to be in the 40's. So even though I should have just known - considering the state I live in - I didn't take anything into consideration... So he is probably freezing and wet! At least he wore gloves and a hat!

Now why is it that when I do something nice for someone - it seems to come back and bite me? Not that this is really all that big of a deal but to me it is. When my friend had her baby I let her use the bassinette that was given to me. Along with that I let her have the two pink sheets and a white sheet that were given to me. Not a big deal to keep track of I would think. Yet I just got the bassinette back and it has one pink sheet and one white sheet. What happened to the other sheet? I asked and she said she swears she gave it to me. Which means she isn't really going to look for it. I know it is only a sheet but when you have zero extra dollars each month to spend on things - that extra sheet does mean something...

Also I am struggling with some jealous issues. I am not sure how to work through these but I have to figure out a way. I will get into them maybe tomorrow...

I am also struggling with the whole Christmas break thing and just dealing with Todd. It would be one of the reasons I switched the URL on my blog at this point in time.

I am tired and not ready for Isabella to be here. Yet she is going to be here in less than two weeks now... I am having daily headaches and daily exhaustion.

So please just give me grace right now!

Where Does the Time Go?

It has been a time in my life when I just kind of sit back and do nothing. I have been worrying about things and stressing over things and other stuff.

I have been struggling with a lot of items but I have to believe it will get better.

Life is never perfect and I know this. I am doing my best to take things a day at a time...

What else can I do?!

This is short - this really says not much of anything - yet I wanted to give a short update...

Weekend Update...

Well this weekend has been a very pleasant one actually. I was not sure what was going to go on this weekend to be honest.

Adam had another weekend with Todd and Kyle was going hunting for the last time up at the farm with my dad. Jack was going to be hunting all weekend.

So what did that leave for me? A weekend all alone. Not that I mind really but they do get old kind of quickly.

This is what actually happened. Jack came over Friday afternoon for about a hour or so; which was so nice. Then he came back on Friday night.

On Saturday he didn't get up in the morning to go hunting and was only gone for a short time to get his hunting stuff for Saturday night. Turned out no one was going hunting Saturday night so we got the whole day together.

I rather enjoyed that.

We watched a couple of movies with each other. Ocean 13 and Mr. Brooks. Both really good movies but then again I like the Ocean series. Mr. Brooks - I wasn't so sure about that movie but it was good.

We spent the day on the couch together. We watched the Michigan vs. Ohio State football game. Of course Michigan lost.

I worked on laundry.

Stuffed myself with pumpkin pie. The funny thing is - I don't like pumpkin pie. Well I guess I can't say that is true now cause I could have eaten the whole darn thing! Good thing I wasn't all alone or I would have had the whole pie gone before the weekend was over.

By the time I went to lay down for the night - I was out for the night (well as out as I can be being 8 months pregnant - that gotta go the bathroom thing is so darn old).

Jack got up early this morning to try and go get a deer once again. Next week is going to be sucky though because I really won't see him. I know everyone needs time away but I miss when I don't see him. I guess if I was around him all the time - him going away would not be such a big deal because I was seeing him all the time. Yet I don't get to see him all the time - I only see him when he shows up. Which has been a lot more lately but it doesn't mean I don't miss him when he is gone.

Pregnancy Update

32 Weeks and 5 days

I was big there - measuring about 34 weeks. Not to much bigger but you know - I seem to always measure big.

34 weeks and 0 days

I am big here - measuring about 36 weeks.


On the plus side of things - okay so these are going to be a huge stretch so bare with me (trying to have that positive thinking thing going on here) - I am dilating and thinning out.

I have been having real contractions - not the braxton hicks kind. They start in the back and work their way up front. I have one of those every couple of hours. So really they are not so close but I do know if I am having two every hour - they are gonna stick me in the hospital and induce me.

The doctors will not stop my labor right now if I do go naturally. I have had to much going on for them to stop it. Isabella would just be in NICU for a couple of weeks at this point.

I don't expect that I will be going anytime soon but you just never know.

What an Update...

Well I have not done an update since November 1st and that wasn't really an update on life. So this is going to be a jumbled post to try and catch up everyone on life.

I am at two non-stress tests (NST's) a week now. I normally go on Monday's and Thursday's. Not a lot of fun to just sit there for 20 minutes. Although I have yet to just sit there for 20 minutes.

The heart rate is supposed to be taken while the baby is awake. Okay well when Isabella is awake (heart rate needs to be over 140) she is moving non-stop. Her heart rate is usually up in the 190's. Well they can't take you off of the monitor if the heart rate is over 180! So I sit forever.

Or then there is the time when she isn't awake and no matter what they do (give me water to drink, buzz and zap Isabella) she wakes for a moment and then back to sleep she goes. So it takes forever.

I must admit it hasn't been that bad yet because I have heard of women sitting for hours and hours for these things and I am usually out of there in a hour - so for that I am grateful! Yet the driving two and from twice a week plus my once a week for the other OB - gas, gas, and more gas! Gets a bit frustrating when you are without a job.

Well to save on gas on November 1st I headed over to the local social security office. I have been getting disability since 2003.

I have bipolar disorder and I have been in a mental health hospital twice now. Not a big deal really but Todd was not supportive and felt that they were my bills and he was not going to help pay them. So I had to look to non-profit organizations to help me pay for it. They would not help because of Todd's income though so they suggested I go to the state.

So I went to the state of Michigan for help. Well since I had a private insurance they assume that you have a disability and won't even process your help for medical assistance until after you have applied for Social Security Disability. So that is what I did. I didn't expect to get it - thought I would get the help from the state. Instead I got approved for disability. Got the approval for Medicaid as well but with a $10000.00 spend down per month. Well if I had that money I would not have needed the help in the first place.

Anyway - I went there because after years and years of calling to see if my children qualified for SI (supplemental income) I finally got an appointment and was told they should qualify. Well I got a letter while I was in the hospital telling me I needed to send them an original birth certificate for Kyle. So I called the 800 number on the sheet of paper I had. Well I asked them if I could just go into the local office to get it taken care of because they could not guarantee they would sent it back to me and I wasn't going to waste $13 to get a new one for him.

I was a bit disappointed though. I went and did the whole interview on the 1st. It was nice to get it over with actually. Although I was disappointed because I found out had I applied for it (SI) for the boys back when I applied - I would have had a back-check for the boys that I could have bought a trailer with. That would have eliminated my monthly expenses by over $400 a month. So because the lady who did the original interview said to me your boys won't qualify for it so do you really want to waste my time and your time - it takes about a hour to do. I said no.

So learn this lesson from me - if you EVER need to apply for anything - make sure you apply for everything when you first apply!

So now here is a glimpse into my weekend... Jack has been around most weekends. He comes over after work/football games on Friday nights. Comes over on Saturday nights and occasional comes over on Sunday nights.

Well this weekend was no different. It just makes me wonder though. I try not to worry or think about it but it does make me wonder what will it be like when Isabella is finally here.

Is he going to come and go like he does now? Is he only going to be here at nights? Is he going to just assume because she lives with me that he can still do what he wants when he wants without talking to me first? Is anything going to really change?

I have told some friends before that things just don't change once a baby is born. Men don't just change because a baby is here. I have seen it before; Todd didn't change. Neither did Keith. Chad hasn't changed. Paul hasn't changed. I mean seriously - I don't see men changing once the babies are here. I wish it did happen but it just doesn't seem to be the case...

I am also having nightmares. I am having dreams that I got into labor early and I can't reach Jack. Of course this is a normal thing but I don't like the feelings I have when I wake up from them. I am having panic attacks... It is the worse feeling in the world. I told him I was feeling like that last night and he said well that's it - I am not going hunting. I told him not to be crazy he was going hunting. I have never gone into labor early unless induced so I am not too worried about it but you know with all that has gone wrong this pregnancy - it is something that might be there as a problem.

Really what else went on this weekend was not much. I spent all day Saturday and Sunday working on the mounds of dirty laundry that has built up in my house.

After being in the hospital and being put on bed-rest - I have been doing a load a day. Yet keep in mind - normally that would be all that I needed to do; a load (or two) a day. Of course though while I was gone - no one did the laundry for me so I have been playing catch up on my laundry.

I am still not finished with it but I am so much closer than I was. I hate laundry. I really do. I love the clean clothing you get afterwards but I hate the washing, drying, folding/hanging and then putting it away.

I guess if I wasn't 33 weeks pregnant it might be a bit easier to bend over to get it taken care of. Unfortunately I am 33 weeks pregnant and Isabella is growing like a weed. Her bottom is up in my ribs now 99% of the time. So most things I do take a bit of extra effort to get accomplished...

Another Quick Update....

Blood levels are within range. Which is a good thing but I am still on bed rest. Will probably be there for a good couple of weeks or so then moved down to partial bed rest.

Getting irritated with how the house looks but have to admit Kyle since starting back on the meds have been a huge help to me. I am grateful he is at least willing to try taking them - now here is to hoping he will stay on them.

Jack has been helpful. He made dinner last night. He has come over and spent time with me so I am not going out of my mind so much. He even brought me a toothbrush since I left mine at the hospital.

Financially I am worried but I have to believe it will be okay. It frustrates me because I was doing just fine with working, paying all my bills, saving money and not getting any child support. Since being off work - I stress each and every month over how bills or anything is going to be paid. Now to top it off - I have to add what I am paying out each month because I have to be on a supplemental policy that has prescription coverage for my Medicare. I am trying to say it will all work out but I just don't know.

Oh at this point I have 2 of the 4 meds I need. Two of the most important ones right now. The one for my blood clot and the one for my gestational diabetes.

So there is the update I can give in the short time I am allotted out of bed! Still hoping to get the wireless connection up and going soon.

Let Me Explain....

As you watch my blog over the next few weeks (hoping it isn't weeks) and you see "odd" posts show up that make zero sense to you. Just know it is me moving my old blog to this one...

Actually I have a couple of old blogs but I can't log into them anymore. I don't want to lose all that information so instead of just not being able to find it in cyberspace anymore I have decided to copy/paste/edit/post my old blog(s) here.

So now and again I might forget to change the date back to the date I actually wrote it on. So for those of you who read my blog when it was active before some of it might sound familiar to you - cause it is...

I am not in therapy with Todd right now. We are not trying to work our marriage out anymore. We are still in the process of the divorce.

Quick Update...

Not much going on today. Woke up and I felt the need to get clothing for Isabella. So I went to a garage sale that I knew was going on. Got a boxful of clothing for $10.00 and even though some of them have stains - I feel 100000 times better!

Adam is already struggling with his spelling. That is really one of his downfalls - as it was Kyle's as well at this age.

Kyle is already struggling with getting the homework home. That always is a downfall. I wish he would just have motivation to do this stuff. It is so frustrating.

Working on making dinner right now and wishing the night was over already. I am just exhausted right now.