Letter to Lawyer...

This is the letter I sent to my lawyer yesterday... The whole conversation between Todd and I is not in this letter but it gives an idea to what I am dealing with...

Ken,

Not sure if this is something that
will be resolved or not but Todd continued to use my blockbuster card. Attached to the card is my debit card so that I could rent video games for the boys. Todd did not return a couple of movies and they charged my card and
that incurred an overdraft fee ($32.00) as well as the $15.98 charge as well.

I called to ask him if he was still using the card and he
said yes he was and he was sorry - he would make sure they put the charge back on my card and he would pay in cash to get it taken care of. I asked about the overdraft fee and his response was (not verbatim) it isn't my fault you put your debit card on that account and I am not paying the $32.00. You are responsible for whatever fees are incurred on your card - not me. Tack it on the the bill I owe you. You should not let your account run that low anyway - it isn't my problem. Maybe you can take care of it the next time I pay child support.

My bank account is negative. He is not planning on paying anything Ken. I have gotten 3 child support checks. I have gotten zero in rent payments. I doubt I will see anything from the house because of the money he plans on paying his parents for the loan (which they will give back to him).

Just wanted to make you aware of where things stand.
Amy

One of my favorite things that I didn't put in the letter was, "You'll get paid when I get paid and since I am not getting paid neither are you." What in the heck - I mean Adam isn't a job - he is a child and he needs things! Asshole...

Just Life...

Well it is official for the next year I am going to be staying here. It really does make me sad. I don't want to be doing this alone. I know he keeps on saying I won't be doing this alone but I will be or at least feel like I am right now.


Between the lack of sleep with Kyle and his homework and then Adam's school work and then adding Isabella to that. Wow - I get tired even thinking about it.


Why do I have such a hard time crying in front of others? I wanted to cry so badly last night and I did when I sat in the bathroom - alone - but I could not cry while laying there with Jack. I had tears that came and went but I could not cry. Actually I have a pretty good idea why I can't cry or don't allow myself to cry. Maybe someday I will work through this but until I feel completely safe and trust anyone I can't.


When I used to cry 9 out of 10 times Todd would tell me to knock it off or to leave the room for whatever reason. So I have gotten good at not crying when I feel like it. I can cry with someone on the phone no problem - because they are not right there. Maybe I have trained myself to only cry in the bathroom since that is where I went most of the time to cry - lol.


Yesterday was a bittersweet day. I sold my last piece of jewelery so I can get the kids some of the things they need for school. Knowing for the last year I have done it on my own; even if it has been with selling things - is kind of nice. Yet yesterday I sold my last piece of jewelery and child support is just not forthcoming.


I have been looking for a part time job I can do while the boys are in school. Of course school hasn't started yet but I haven't been offered a job yet either. Then though I have to worry about daycare for Isabella after she is born, the phone calls from the school for Kyle, having to be at school for Kyle, giving up helping at Adam's school and the list goes on.


In the end though it comes down to the fact that I need the extra $860 a month. I was making it just fine until I was not working at my job and it has been 6 months now. I just need to get a job and then pray everything else works out - because it has to work out.


The summer is coming to an end and I have done nothing special with the boys. We have done the park - many times but all the things they ask about doing - we just have not done. I guess it is better that they know they are not doing these things though. Todd was famous for promising things and then taking it away the day of us going or forgetting he said we would go and then making other plans with friends or something like that.


We have been gone a little over a year now and here we are stuck. Still in an apartment. The kids without a pet (it just bothers me). Me without a job. I am pregnant. Still have no clue how to deal with Kyle and the information just keeps on piling on. Financial worries up the wazoo and they are going to get worse once the divorce is final.


I am grateful I got the courage to leave - it was 3 years coming before I actually walked out the door but I did leave. The best thing for me is I never went looking for someone to rescue me. Not that any man has ever rescued me but they have all promised to take care of me and I have let them and then the price is so steep.


So for me knowing that right now even with life not being the best it makes me feel somewhat better. I actually love someone and it is a healthy feeling; just wish he could be here more...


Such is life...

Just Wanted To Share....

My girlfriend was pregnant with #4 and wasn't due until September 15th. She started having contractions though a few weeks ago. Of course her doctor said she had to get to week 36 before she would let her go and not stop it.

Yesterday while driving home from her mom's house - she was rear ended and went to the ER for her oldest because her head was hurting and her neck had snapped (the seat belt didn't lock).

Of course while there she started contracting even more and her back really started to bug her. So as they sent her up to L&D - I gathered up my youngest and headed to the hospital to pick up her 3 children.

Rebecca Grace was born at 6:30 this morning! 7 pounds 6 ounces - Mom and baby are doing well!

Going to take her children up after lunch to meet their new sister! I am excited as well...

368 Days

I have been away from Todd and that life for 368 days. So why is it that it seems like things only keep on getting worse?

Still - he has only made 3 child support payments. Kyle's dad is not consistent with that either (and now he is moving out of the country). Todd didn't even have to start paying child support until February so he got away with paying nothing from August to February and he still isn't paying.

I have lost a few jobs since leaving him due to issues with Kyle because it is just me. It is only me getting the phone calls and having to deal with what he is doing or not doing and me having to go up to the school and me taking him to his appointments and it is only me.

If I could get and keep a job - we would be fine - but I seem to be failing at that skill right now.

I have $1.83 in my bank account right now. I have to get the kids their school supplies. I have to put gas in my car (on empty righ now). I have to get food for the house. I have to finish paying the bills for this month. All on a dollar.

These are the days where I want to just give up, give in, and call it quits.

Kyle needs to start therapy again due to current issues - even if the therapist feels he is getting nothing from it. I now have to figure out where I am going to come up with another $80 to $100 a month for it. Plus on top of that - once the divorce is final - I have to come up with money to pay for MiChild for Kyle and a supplemental insurance for myself - so that is going to run me about another $100 a month.

I am overwhelmed...

How Many Prayers Can One Ask For?!

The hits just keep on coming. I can't really get into a ton of details right now. I just need to ask for prayers for me and my oldest son (mainly).

Please pray that what is needed for help to be received comes easily.
Please pray that I am able to get a job while dealing with current issues (which is a full plus time job).
Please pray that my family has finally been forth coming with everything and there are no more surprises waiting for me behind another curtain.
Please pray that my family starts to see me as his mom and not someone who does not care or doesn't need to know.
Please pray that my heart and soul and mind can take whatever else is to come.
Please pray that the other family involved sees the severity of the issue and decides something needs to be done.

I am feeling broken more and more every day. Every time I turn around something else is happening and I just wonder how I am going to make it through another issue.

I question everything about myself right now. I wonder if it is my fault because in my gut this has been a worry for about 6 years now. I have no idea how I am going to keep going at this rate. It has been 366 days of one thing after another and I need a break and I need money and I need a way to get help.

Thank you in advance for your prayers...

Testing....

For some reasons my new posts are not showing up. Not sure what is up so I am testing it...

Can't Give Details...

Yet please pray for my son Kyle.

Pray that what needs to happen - happens.

Something has to happen and soon.